Here's the March 1995 edition of the calligraphic button catalogue. The very newest slogans are marked with '&'. Less recent additions are marked with ! and the oldest additions are marked with *. The code in parenthesis at the end of each slogan is an abbreviation to make ordering easier. The three letter codes indicate categories if you'd like to do a search. Categories, prices, postage, and information on getting custom buttons are at the end of the catalogue. ____Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here (ABAN:press enter) cpa cpp ang ____Academic infighting is vicious because the stakes are so low (ACAD:vicious/low) sch cyn ____An acceptable level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job (ACCE:economist/job) pol cyn wor mon ____Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is? (ACTO:actors/human) art wei sil ____ADA is the COBOL of the 80's (ADA-I:ada/80's) cpx ____Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later (ADDI:software/later) cpa uni *____Addicted to fanzines...drugs would be cheaper (ADDI:fanzines/drugs) fan ____Advertising must be trite--it's the law of the jingle (ADVE:law/jingle) pun sil ____After a correction has turned out to be a mistake, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation (AFTE:mistake/fit) mat sci mur ang ____Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain (AGAI:stupidity/struggle) uni ____Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.... (ALEP:null/bottles) mat ____All I ask of a firearm is that it be reliable, accurate, and capable of dropping a god at 500 meters (ALL-I:500 meters) wea ____All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance (ALL-I:life/importance) moo ____All knowledge is contained in fandom (ALL-K: knowledge/fandom) fan ____All life is a conjugation of the verb "to eat" (ALL-L:"to eat") cyn ____All my life I wanted to be someone--I guess I should have been more specific (ALL-M:more specific) moo ____All power corrupts, but we need the electricity--D. W. Jones (ALL-P:power corrupts) pun ____All right, no more Mr. Nice Pope! (ALL-R:nice pope) moo ____All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism (ALL-S:syllogism) par sil ____All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts (ALL-T:analog stage) cpu pun *____All these worlds are yours, except for Mars. Attempt no landing here. --Message received by NASA, August 25, 1993 (ALL-T:mars/landing) spc ____All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative (ALL-T:insanity/alternative) ins str moo ____Almost Conscious (ALMO:almost conscious) moo *____Alpha Female (ALPH:alpha female) att ____Alpha test version: too buggy to release Beta test version: still too buggy to release Release 1.0: alternate pronounciation of beta test version (ALPH:still too buggy) cpa ____Always keep a record of your data--it shows you've been working (ALWA:data/working) sci wor cyn ____Always keep clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark (ALWA:find/dark) adv wea ____Amateur Time Lord (AMAT:amateur) med ____American Non Sequitur Society--we don't make sense, but we do like pizza (AMER:non sequitur) sil par ____American elect Democrats to Congress so they'll be given what they want and Republicans to the White House so they won't have to pay for it--neither one works (AMER:given/won't) pol ____Amiga: the computer for the creative mind MacIntosh: The computer for the rest of us (AMIG:creative/rest of us) cpp ____Among animals, it's eat or be eaten. Among people it's define or be defined. (AMON:eaten/defined) lan cyn ____The amount of common sense is fixed, but the population keeps going up (AMOU:common sense/population) cyn ____Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested, and the frog dies of it. (ANAL:humor/frog) uni ang ____Anarcho-Capitalist for sale or rent (ANAR:sale/rent) ana sil ____Anarcho-Paladin (ANAR:anarcho-paladin) fny ____Anarchy begins at home, but it doesn't have to end there (ANAR:anarchy/home) ana ____Anarchy--It's not the law, it's just a good idea (ANAR:anarchy/idea) ana ____And before you get all happy, be informed that your punishment does not include pain or sex (AND-B:happy/punishment) coe ____And God said: ...and then there was light! (AND-G:then/light) sci ____And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?" (AND-G:light/parties) sil ____...And I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was a dying art! (AND-I:phrenology) sic sil *____And the brains are even bigger! (AND-T:brains/bigger) att ____And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, for if you hit a man with a ploughshare, he'll know he's been hit (AND-T:ploughshare/hit) vio ____And what do I look like--the living? (AND-W:the living?) str moo !____Angel: A gargoyle with cosmetic surgery (ANGE:gargoyle) sil ____Ankh if you love Isis (ANKH:ankh) pag pun ____Another case of too many scientists, not enough hunchbacks (ANOT:scientists/hunchbacks) sci sil ____Another deadline, another miracle (ANOT:deadline/miracle) wor ____...another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit (ANOT:smooth escape) zzz ____Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is connected to anything else (ANTI:anti-paranoia) ins moo ____The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind [picture of ants blowing in wind] (ANTS:friends/wind) pun sil ____Any bureaucracy re-organized to enhance efficiency is indistinguishable from its predecessor (ANY-B:efficiency/predecessor) bur cyn wor ____Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse (ANY-E:excuse/sword) wea mev ____Any given program will expand to fill all availible memory plus 1K (ANY-G:expand/1K) cpa ____Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-evaluated during a subsequent period. It has been discovered that standard logic works sideways in this area due to the influence of the occupant. (ANY-M:logic/sideways) wei ____Any reform must be accounted a success which does not have an effect exactly the opposite of that intended (ANY-R:reform/opposite) cyn pol wor bur ____Any single standard will split into at least two semi-compatible standards within the cycle time of the fastest existing computer (ANY-S:standard/split) com ____Any slogan simple enough to fit on a button is too simple to do any good (ANY-S:slogan/simple) uni cyn par ____Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses (ANY**S:bureaucracy/molasses) bur pol wor cyn !____Any sufficiently advanced card game is indistinguishable from Magic(tm) (ANY-S:advanced card) mag ____Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology (ANY**M:magic/technology) fnt ____Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo (ANY**T:technology/demo) sci cyn ____Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic (ANY**T:technology/magic) sci sfn uni *____Any sufficiently complicated technology is indistinguishable from bad karma (ANY-T:complicated/karma) cyn uni ____Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable from doubletalk (ANY*H:technology/doubletalk) sci cyn lan ____Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable from hard work (ANY*L:technology/hard work) wor mev ____Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced (ANY-T:insufficiently advanced) uni sci ____Any twelve people who can't get themselves out of jury duty are not my peers (ANY-T:not peers) att pol *____Anyone who wears a bitch button probably isn't kidding (ANYO:button/kidding) uni ____Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about (ANYT:possible/talking) uni ____Anything not nailed down is a cat toy (ANYT:cat toy) cat ____Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down. (ANYT:not nailed) att ____Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well (ANYT:not worth) adv ____Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate (ANYT:useful/chocolate) foo sil ____Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used against you (ANYT:distorted/remixed) sic med cyn ____Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or only pretending to be mad? (ARE-T:hamlet) art art ins ____Are we having fun yet? (ARE-W:fun yet) moo !____Are you a Klingon, or is that a lobster on your forehead? (ARE-Y:klingon/lobster) med ____Are you reading my buttons, or are you transfixed by my beauty? (ARE-Y:reading/transfixed) att ____Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor? (ARE-Y:colorful metaphor) med moo ____Armed and dangerous, but I forgot where I put it (ARME:dangerous/forgot) vio moo ____Artificial Intelligence (ARTI:artificial) com ____Artificial Intelligence? I'll be impressed when they invent artificial cunning. (ARTI:cunning) com ____Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity (ARTI:intelligence/stupidity) com ____As^H^H// ins^H^H^H/// pers^H^H^H^H//// ex -piring writer (AS-IN:piring) wri ang ____As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the whole way. A mere shred of sanity is of no value. (AS-LO:shred/sanity) ins str sil ____Ask a silly person, get a silly answer (ASK-A:silly answer) sil ____Ask me about my dysfunctional family (ASK-M:dysfunctional family) moo ____Ask me about my extra chromosome (ASK-M:chromosome) wei sil ____Ask me about my vow of silence (ASK-M:vow/silence) par sil ____Ask me--I'm interactive (ASK-M:interactive) com coe ____ASK ME I'm shy (ASK-M:ask me) coe ____Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country is doing to you (ASK-N:country/doing) pol cyn ana ____Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim (ASKI:think/swim) com ____Assassins do it from behind (ASSA:assassins/behind) vio pun ____Assassins, Inc.--We aim to please (ASSA:assassins/please) vio pun ____Assembly was the first against the wall when the revolution came--COBOL's next (ASSE:wall/cobol) cpx ____At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you. Have a nice day. (AT-AS:time/place) vio sic ____At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year (AT-LE:congress/death) pol ang ____At least Wesley didn't write and direct his own movie (AT-LE:wesley/movie) med ____Authenticity Police--death to Spandex! (AUTH:death/spandex) mev ____Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive advice (AUTH:authors/advice) wri adv ang ____The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think (AVER:beauty/brains) coe cyn ____Avoid cliches like the plague--they're a dime a dozen (AVOI:$0.10) zzz ____Avoid computer viruses--practice safe hex (AVOI:safe hex) cpu pun ____THE BABY...an instrument of destruction (BABY:instrument/destruction) bab ____Back in my day, we didn't have any of these fancy disclaimers. We blamed our employers for our opinions, and they got sued for silly little provocations, and they would fire us, and we would be sleeping out in the cold and hungry, and we LIKED it that way (BACK:disclaimers/sued) cpz ____Back off, man--I'm a scientist (BACK:Back off/scientist) sci med ____BACK RUBS--Given with pleasure, received with ecstasy (BACK:pleasure/ecstacy) bac ____Bad taste is timeless (BAD:bad taste) uni sil ____Badges? We don't need no stinking badges! (BAD:stinking badges) med ____Balance the budget--declare politicians a game species (BALA:politicians/game species) vio pol ____Ban the Bomb--Save the world for conventional warfare (BAN:ban bomb) wea vio ____Barbarian (BARB:barbarian) fny *____Barbie doesn't come with Ken, she comes with GI Joe--she fakes it with Ken (BARB:fakes/ken) coe sic *____Barney has drumsticks, but we have barbeques (BARN:drumsticks/barbeques) med ____Barney, I'd like you to meet our next guest, Mr. Velociraptor (BARN:mr. velociraptor) med vio &____Battle not with monsters lest you become a monster.....Nietzsche predicted Usenet (BATT:nietzsche/usenet) cpz ____The battle of the Gulf was won on the playing fields of Atari (BATT:gulf/atari) mil ____Be careful when you're playing under an anvil tree (BE-CA:anvil tree) adv sil ____Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo (BE-GO:friends/tokyo) med sil ____Be nice to me--I'm out of Valium (BE-NI:nice/valium) str moo drg ____Be sure to save your money--you never know when it might be worth something (BE-SU:money/worth) cyn ang ____Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it (BE-YO:be yourself) adv sil ____Beam me up, Scotty, it ate my phaser (BEAM:ate phaser) med ____Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work (BEAM:scotty/elevators) med ____Beam me up--they're not hiring either (BEAM:not hiring) ang wor mon ____Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life here (BEAM:scotty/intelligent) med cyn ang ____Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charismatic Horny [capital letters are emphasized] (BEAU:charismatic/horny) bit att ____Beauty and the Beast--Bright Lights, Big Kitty (BEAU:big kitty) med pun ____The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder (BEAU:"oy!") pun ____Because cats read with their asses! [picture of cat sitting on book] (BECA:cats/asses) cat ____Because I'm the editor, that's why! (BECA:editor/why) wri att ____Because I'm the writer, that's why! (BECA:writer/why) wri att *____Beckett and Calavicci in '96 Putting right what once went wrong (BECK:putting right) med ____Before I go to bed, I want some filk and cookies (BEFO:filk/cookies) fan pun ____Being a model means wearing clothes and not eating. I'd rather eat and take off my clothes. (BEIN:model/clothes) moo ____Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind (BEIN:pain/creative) art att ____Being depressed by the poor isn't much worse than being bored by the rich (BEIN:depressed/bored) cyn ang ____Being in politics is like being a football coach--you have to be smart enough to understand the game and stupid enough to think it's important (BEIN:football/politics) pol cyn ____Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it (BEIN:being/sexy) coe ____Being weird isn't enough (BEIN:weird/enough) wei uni ____Believing that you run the United States is a megalomanic delusion, especially if you're the President (BELI:delusion/president) pol ins ____Berserkers do it without thinking (BERS:berserkers) fny pun ____The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to start offending right now (BEST:offense/start) att ____Better dead than mellow (BETT:dead/mellow) moo ____Better Living through Alchemy (BETT:better/alchemy) mev ____Beware--I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension (BEWA:pre-menstrual) bit str ____Beware of Quantum Ducks--Quark! Quark! Quark! (BEWA:quantum) sci pun ____Beware of the Vampire Jesus--He gave his blood for you and he wants it all back now! (BEWA:vampire jesus) sic rel ____Beware the Grin Reaper [smiley face with teeth] (BEWA:grin reaper) pun ____Beware! The teddy bears of today still carry the vestigial claws of their ancestors (BEWA:teddy bear/claws) sil ____BFA: Branch to False Assumption (BFA:branch/false) com ____The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 326 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals--He just thinks they need more supervision (BIBL:6/326) coe ____The Bill of Rights goes too far--it should have stopped at "Congress shall make no law" (BILL:no law) pol ____The Bill of Rights is over two hundred years old--at that age, I probably won't work either (BILL:age/work) pol ____Bill the Cat fan club (BILL:bill the cat) sil ____A billion here, a couple of billion there--first thing you know, it adds up to real money (BILL:money) pol mon bur ____A bird does not sing because it has an answer--it sings because it has a song (BIRD:answer/song) art uni ____Bisexual, Proud, and Queer of it (BISE:queer of it) coe ____Bisexual Separatist [picture of interlaced female symbol, smiley face, and male symbol] (BISE:bisexual separatist) coe sil *____Bisexual: Specialization is for insects (BISE:specialization/insects) coe ____Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forget (BITE:bite/forget) sic wei ang ____Black holes are where God is dividing by zero (BLAC:god/dividing) mat sci ____Blessed are the ugly and determined, for they acquire the wealth to command the handsome and clever (BLES:ugly/determined) cyn ____Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier (BLOO:blood/tastier) sic ____Bob built my hot rod, and he filled it with YOUR slack (BOB:hot rod/slack) att ____Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people (BOMB:bombs/explosions) wea ____The border between the Real and the Unreal is not fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill (BORD:shamans/standstill) rea dis uni ____Boredom delenda est! (BORE:delenda) zzz ____Borger King We do it our way Your way is irrelevant (BORG:borger king) med sil ____Born again pagan (BORN:born again pagan) pag ____Born to be cuddled (BORN:born/cuddled) bac ____Born to shop (BORN:born/shop) mon ____Boxing is like a ballet, except that there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other (BOXI:ballet/hit) vio sil ____Brain damage is what we were after...chromosome damage was just gravy (BRAI:damage/gravy) drg ____Brain on vacation, body on autopilot (BRAI:autopilot) moo ____Brain on vacation, penis on autopilot (BRAI:penis/autopilot) coe ____Bribe is such a...crass word (BRIB:crass) pol mon ____A bristlecone pine is just a fire's way of making another fire (BRIS:pine/fire) sci ____Brought to you by the people who made "out of context" a household word (BROU:out of context) sil ____Bugs don't happen because you do something. Bugs just are. (BUGS:just are) cpb uni mur ang ____Built for comfort, not for speed (BUIL:comfort/speed) coe moo ____Bureaucrats cut red tape--lengthwise (BURE:red tape) bur pol uni ____burn down the house. fire. fire. fire. fire. fire. fire. heheh. no more mess. heheh. (BURN:heheh/mess) med ____Bushydo--The way of the shrub. BONSAI! (BUSH:bushydo) pun sil ____But I don't have an "any key" on my computer! (BUT-I:"any key") cpd ____But, Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green! (BUT-O:last one/green) sil ____But this IS the simplified version for the general public! (BUT-T:simplified/public) cpd str *____Butch Nerd--soft body, hard mind (BUTC:soft body) moo ____Buy one omnipotent being, get one free Q-PON (BUY-O:q-pon) med pun ____Bwah-hah-hah! (BWA:bwah!) moo ____By God, for a moment there it all made sense... (BY-GO:made sense) moo ____By the time rules are is needed, it's already too late (BY-TH:rule/too late) dis uni ____C code. C code run. Run, code, run! (C-COD:run code) cpx pun ____`C' combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language (C-COM:"c") cpx *____C is not a language--c is 1.802 furlongs per fortnight (C-IS:language/fortnight) cpx ____C sick and sh shocked (C-SIC:c/sh) cpy pun ____The C Team--I love it when a program comes together (C-TEA:c team) cpx pun *____C>: Coffee.com not found, reboot user? Y/N? (C>-C::reboot user) cpp mor *____C>: Reality.sys not found, reboot universe? Y/N? (C>-C::reboot universe) cpp rea ____C++--It's still only average (C++-I:only average) cpx cpu ____C++ Where only your friends can access your private parts (C++-W:see private) cpx pun ____Caffiend (CAFF:caffiend) mor ____Calm down--It's only ones and zeroes (CALM:ones and zeroes) cpa ____Campus Crusade for Cthulhu--It found me (CAMP:campus crusade) cth rel ____Can you imagine a roast aardvark without an apple in its mouth? It's like a martini without the egg (CAN-Y:aardvark/martini) sic &____Captain! The doubletalk generators, they can take nae more! We'll have to obey the laws of physics! (CAPT:doubletalk generators) med ____Carpe Diem--Make your lives extraordinary (CARP:extraordinary) adv uni ____Carpe Noctem Seize the night I do more work after 2AM than most people do all day (CARP:noctem) com moo att ____Cartoon Law 8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent (CART:feline/impermanent) uni ____A cat is the visible soul of a home (CAT-I:visible soul) cat ____Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function (CATS:function) cat *____Cats are nature's response to orderliness (CAT:nature/orderliness) cat ____Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't teach eight cats to pull a sled. (CATS:sled) cat ____The cats did it (CATS:did it) cat ____Cats don't ask. Cats take. (CATS:ask/take) cat ____Cats know your every thought. They don't care, but they know. (CATS:every thought) cat ____Caution: Contents under pressure (CAUT:under pressure) str moo ____Caution: Hungry Dieter--May bite if provoked (CAUT:hungry dieter) foo moo ____Caution--I was not hired for my disposition (CAUT:hired/disposition) str wor moo *____CD WOM--Wead onwy memowy (CD-WO:wead) com ____Ceci | n'est pas une pipe (CECI:une pipe) cpy ____Celestial Mechanic--inclined to be eccentric (CELE:inclined) spc sci pun ____Censorship sucks^H^H^H^H^H///// is for your own good (CENS:own good) pol dis cyn lan ____Certified Public Assassin (CERT:cpa) vio ____C'est la vie. C'est la guerre. [picture of celery] Say no more. Say what? (C'EST:celery) pun ____C'est la vie, C'est la guerre, Say no more (C'EST:c'est) pun ____Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world (CHAO:chaos/magic) pag ____Chaotic Amorals have more fun (CHAO:chaotic amorals) fny ____Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry (CHAO:chaotic evil) fny ____Cheap, Fast, Good--pick two (CHEA:pick two) adv uni wor ____Cheer up--if the economy collapses completely, you won't owe your student loan to ANYBODY (CHEE:student loan) mon sch ____Chem E's make the best heat exchangers (CHEM:chem e's) sci pun ____The chief cause of problems is solutions (CHIE:cause/solutions) uni cyn ____Child of a Looser God (CHIL:looser god) pag pun med ____A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. (CHIL:child/fetch) att ____Chopped cabbage--it's not just a good idea...it's THE SLAW (CHOP:the slaw) pun sil ____Christians do it with grace (CHRI:christians/grace) rel pun ____Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh (CHRI:rich/pooh) pun ____Circular Definition: see Circular Definition (CIRC:circular) par &____Circular logic is self-validating. Therefore, it is correct. (CIRC:self-validating/correct) par *____Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult (CLEV:disguised/adult) moo ____Clinton wants us to sacrifice--let's start with politicians (CLIN:sacrifice/politicians) pol ____Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery (CLON:flattery) sci ____A closed mouth gathers no feet (CLOS:closed mouth) sil adv ____Clue (CLUE:clue) zzz ____COBOL is just a bug with syntax (COBO:bug/syntax) cpx ____COBOL is the next best thing to coding it in binary (COBO:cobol/binary) cpx ____COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance (COBO:inelegance) cpx pun ____COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits! (COBO:assembly/bits) cpx pun ____Code as if whoever maintains your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live (CODE:psychopath/live) cpr ____Coffee is my only REAL friend (COFF:real friend) mor moo ____Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, chocolate makes it worthwhile (COFF:coffee/possible) mor ____Cogito Ergo Spud--I think, therefore I yam (COGI:think/yam) pun sil ____Cold milk, warm backrubs, hot baths...all temperature cheer (COLD:all temperature) bac ____Committees have become so important that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work (COMM:appointed/work) bur wor cyn ____Common sense is what tells you the earth is flat (COMM:sense/flat) uni ____Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers (COMP:simple/wrong) uni &____A computer is a genie that can grant any wish. The catch is that you must express your wish exactly, in binary. (COMP:genie/binary) com ____The computer is happy. The computer is crazy. The computer will try to make you happy. This will drive you crazy. (COMP:happy/crazy) fny ins com ____Computers are like the Old Testament God--lots of rules and no mercy (COMP:rules/mercy) cpa *____Computers eat time--we only THINK they run on electricity (COMP:time/electricity) cpa !____Computers run on smoke. If it leaks out, they don't work. (COMP:smoke/leaks) com *____Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion (COMP:kudzu/erosion) cpa ____Computers will be perfect when they can predict how much more the job will cost than the estimate (COMP:job/estimate) cpj mon ____The computing field is always in need of new cliches (COMP:new cliches) com lan ____Con of the living dead (CON:con/dead) fan ____A conference is a place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought. (CONF:labor/thought) bur wor ang ____Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the problem (CONF:before/understand) mur ang ____Conform, go crazy, become a lawyer (CONF:lawyer) zzz ____Conform, go crazy, become a writer or an artist, or stylishly fake it like the rest of Manhattan (CONF:stylishly fake) art ____Conform, go crazy, or become a writer (CONF:conform/writer) wri ____Conform, go crazy, or become an artist (CONF:conform/artist) art ____Congress shall make no law....What part of NO didn't you understand? (CONG:no law/understand) pol ____Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process (CONQ:conquering russia) pun ____Conservatives should learn the difference between a sin and a crime and liberals should learn the difference between a virtue and a requirement (CONS:sin/crime) pol ____Control Data: don't let it control you (CONT:control data) cpa ____Conventions--my job away from job (CONV:job away) fan ____The cops can't get me--they're all prisoners of the donut shops (COPS:donut shops) sil ____A corporation will do things too dumb for a person to do. A government will do things too dumb for a corporation to do. The bigger and older a corporation is, the more it resembles a government. (CORP:too dumb/resembles) cyn pol wor ____Couch Potato (COUC:couch potato) med ____Couch potatoes have brain tubers (COUC:brain tubers) pun med ____A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library (COUP:library) sch sci ____The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo (COW:cow/indigo) pun art ____Crankiness....for me it's just as natural as morning (CRAN:natural/morning) mor moo ____Create a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it (CREA:fool/use) cpd cyn ____Creature of the Night (CREA:creature/night) med ____Crime doesn't pay, but at least you're your own boss (CRIM:doesn't/boss) vio wor *____Cry CHEEBLE! and unloose the hamsters of war (CRY-C:hamsters of war) sil ____Cthulhu Cthucks (CTH*C:cthucks) cth sil ____Cthulhu cthucks, but does he cthwallow? (CTH*C:cthucks/cthwallow) cth sil ____Cthulhu Express When it absolutely, positively has to be turned into an eldritch crawling horror in eons (CTH*E:express/eons) cth ____Cthulhu for President [if you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils] (CTH*F:cthulhu/president) pol cth ____Cthulhu isn't really his name, he just has a speech impediment (CTH*I:impediment) cth ____Cthulhu lives--in MY refrigerator (CTH*L:cthulhu lives) cth ____Cthulhu Saves--in case he's hungry later (CTH*S:cthulhu/saves) cth ____Curb your god (CURB:god) sil rel ____The customer isn't always right, but they do get an unnatural amount of slack (CUST:customer/slack) wor mon !____Cyberslut (CYBE:slut) cpz ____A cynic's work is never done (CYNI:cynic's work) cyn ____Dahling, don't be so third-level (DAHL:third-level) fny ____Damn fine coffee, and HOT! (DAMN:fine coffee) med mor ____Damn I'm good (DAMN:damn I'm good) att coe moo ____Damn it, Jim, you're a television personality, not an actor (DAMN:jim/actor) med ____Dancin' fool [picture of dancing jester] (DANC:fool) art *____Dax/Odo in '96 Leadership that adapts (DAX-O:leadership/adapts) med ____The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life (DAY:third day) zzz ____dBase is the non-programming language in which non-programmers write non-programs (DBAS:non-programs) cpx ____Deadly ninja throwing button (DEAD:throwing button) fny ____Death before decaf (DEAT:decaf) mor ____Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast (DEAT:dishonor/breakfast) mor ____Death? Life? I never did understand Zen. (DEAT:understand zen) rel ____Death to Barney! (DEAT:barney) med ____Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, refuse to water it. (DEBA:politics/fern) sil pol ____Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever (DEBU:debugging/distaste) cpb wor ____#define sysop GOD #define reality NULL (DEFI:sysop/reality) cpx rea ____Delight and amaze me! (DELI:delight & amaze) moo ____Democracy is based on the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it--good and hard! (DEMO:deserve/hard) pol ____Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch (DEM:wolves/lamb) pol cyn ____Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves (DEMO:democracy/deserves) pol uni ang ____Demonstrations always crash--the probability of them crashing goes up exponentially with the number of people watching (DEMO:crash/watching) cpa mur ____Destructive Testing Systems You make it We break it Guaranteed! (DEST:make/break) sil ____Deterministic Chaotic Physicist (DETE:chaotic physicist) sci ____Die, Barney, Die (DIE:barney, die) med ____The difference between a fool and a criminal is that a fool attacks unpredictably and on a wider front (DIFF:fool/criminal) uni com ____The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits (DIFF:genius/limits) uni mur ____The differential of hi over ho is ho di hi minus hi d ho hoover ho ho (DIFF:hi d ho) mat ____Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians (DIP:honey/lesbians) coe ____Disklexia: putting floppies in upside down (DISK:floppies/upside) cpu sil ____DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them think that they are better than those of us who are truly gifted (DISO:truly gifted) str ang ____DNA: the ultimate RIS machine language (DNA:ultimate ris) com sci ____DO IT--It's easier to get forgiveness than permission (DO-IT:forgiveness/permission) adv ____Do not call up that which you can not put on hold (DO-NO:call/can not put) cth adv ____Do not disturb--I'm disturbed enough already (DO-NO:disturbed enough) ins ____Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the first place (DO-NO:turbed) moo str ____Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer (DO-NO:meddle/cats) cat com !____Do not meddle in the affairs of Vorlons, for they are angry and too quickly subtle (DO-NOT:affairs/vorlons) med ____Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger (DO-NO:wizards/subtle) fnt ____Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and hard to light (DO-NO:wizards/soggy) sil fan ____Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup (DO-NO:good with ketchup) fnt ____Do or do not...There is no try (DO-OR:or do not) med adv ____Do we really want the people who solved the S & L crisis to solve the education crisis? (DO-WE:s&l/education) cyn pol sch mon ____Do what I mean, not what I say! (DO-WH:what I mean) att com ____Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law, but then there is always chaos to consider (DO-WH:chaos/consider) dis ____Do you know me with my clothes on? (DO-YO:know/clothes) coe ____Do you know where your towel is? (DO-YO:you/towel) med ____Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because programmers hate it so much. (DOCU:castor oil) cpr ____Does 'anal retentive' have a hyphen? (DOES:anal/hyphen) sil *____Does 'anal retentive' have a hyphen? How about a colon? (DOES:hyphen/colon) pun lan ____Does anyone have any questions? Any answers? Anyone care for a mint? (DOES:care/mint) moo !____Does Emacs have the Buddha nature? Why not? It has bloody well everything else (DOES-E:emacs/buddha) cpy ____Does it have enhanced IR vision, a particle beam weapon with target acquisition, highly amplified arm/leg systems, self-contained atmosphere, and a small nuclear plant? No? Not much of a "power suit", is it? (DOES:power suit) att wea sfn ____Does the noise in my head bother you? (DOES:noise/head) ins sic ____Does this program halt? (DOES:program/halt) com par ____Dogs are wonderful creatures which convert leftovers and table scraps into hair, which they then politely distribute over your carpet and furniture (DOGS:hair/distribute) zzz ____Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you. (DOGS:cats/message) cat ____Doing strange things in the name of art (DOIN:strange things) art sil ____A dollar's a bad boss, and dying's a bad fear (DOLL:bad boss) mon ____Don't ask me--I have intermittent memory loss (DON*A:memory loss) moo ____Don't be irreplaceable--if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted (DON*B:replaced/promoted) wor cyn ____Don't blame me--I voted for Cthulhu (DON*B:voted/cthulhu) cth pol ____Don't blame me--I voted for Socks (DON*B:voted/socks) pol ____Don't blame me--I was raised by humans (DON*B:blame/humans) moo ____Don't bother me. I've got my three miracle minimum. When the Pope signs my sainthood papers, I'm outta here! (DON*B:sainthood papers) rel sil ____Don't build more nukes until we use the ones we have (DON*B:nukes/use) vio pol ____Don't confuse a bull market with brains (DON*C:bull/brains) mon adv !____Don't cry on my shoulder, I'm off duty ---Troy (DON'T-C:off duty/troi) med ____Don't destroy the world in the first chapter--you'll find you need it later (DON*B:world/chapter) wri sfn sil *____Don't drink and derive--know your limits This kind of humor is integral to calculus (DON*D:drink/derive) mat pun ____Don't get creative here--standards are good for you (DON*G:standards/good) cpr ____Don't get suckered in by comments--only debug code (DON*G:suckered/debug) cpb adv ____Don't give me that kinkier-than-thou attitude (DON*G:kinkier) coe moo ____Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon (DON*H:sleep till) mor ____Don't just flirt--hit me with a clue-by-four (DON*J:flirt/by-four) coe ____Don't just stand there--buy something! (DON*J:stand/buy) mon ____Don't just stand there--rub my back! (DON*J:rub back) bac ____Don't just stand there--scratch my back! (DON*J:scratch back) bac ____Don't keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. (DON*K:joneses/drag) adv ____Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone. (DON*L:mind wander) att ____Don't look back--something might be gaining on you (DON*L:look back/gaining) adv str ____Don't look back--the lemmings might be gaining on you (DON*L:look back/lemmings) cyn str ____Don't mind me--I'll just bleed (DON*M:don't mind) ang ____Don't mock the insecure (DON*M:insecure) zzz ____Don't Panic (DON*P:don't Panic) med ____Don't Panic! It's all right. Everything is going to be just fine. (DON*P:just fine) sic ang ____Don't pay taxes--it just encourages them (DON*P:taxes/encourages) ana mon ____Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today (DON*P:tomorrow/else) adv ____Don't rush me--I'm dawdling as fast as I can! (DON*R:dawdling) lat ____Don't start comparing yourself to me. It'll just make you crazy. (DON*S:comparing/crazy) att ____Don't step on my scarf! (DON*S:step/scarf) med ____Don't take life seriously--it isn't permanent (DON*T:life/permanent) sic adv *____Don't tell me not to burn my candle at both ends--just tell me where to get more wax! (DON*T:candle/wax) moo *____Don't tell my mother I work for the government. She thinks I work as a bouncer in a brothel. (DON'T:bouncer/brothel) pol ____Don't torture yourself--that's my job (DON*T:torture/job) med ____Don't try this at home, kids. This stunt should only be attempted by trained, proffessional idiots. (DON*T:stunt/idiots) sil ____Don't try to engage my enthusiasm--I haven't got one (DON*T:engage/haven't) ang med ____Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal (DON*W:out-weird) med att sil ____Don't worry about who you step on when you're on the way up if you don't plan on coming down (DON*W:up/down) wor adv ____Don't worry--be silly! (DON*W:worry/silly) sil adv ____Don't worry--Cthulhu LIKES your sense of humor (DON*W:cthulhu/humor) cth ____Don't worry--I know my glamour is the sort that terrifies weaklings (DON*W:glamour/terrifies) coe att ____Don't you look at me in that tone of voice (DON*Y:look/tone) sic ____DOS Dinosaur Operating System (DOS-D:dinosaur) cpp ____Down to the C in chips (DOWN:c/chips) cpu pun ____Dragon Obedience School Dropout (DRAG:dropout) fnt moo ____The Dragon Taxi Service--we will take thee...anywhere (DRAG:taxi) fnt ____Dragonriders do it in between (DRAG:dragonriders) fnt pun ____Drink up, Socrates, it's all natural (DRIN:socrates/natural) sic ____Drug free school zone is a contradiction in terms (DRUG:school/contradiction) drg pol sch ____Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Thank you for your cooperation. (DUE-T:budget/light) mon ang *____Dull is fine. I LIKE dull. I could use a little dull in my life. (DULL:like dull) moo *____Dullard: someone who can open an encyclopedia or dictionary and only read what they'd planned to (DULL:only read) boo ____The dyslexic Borg: Assimilation is irrelevant. You are futile. (DYSL:you/futile) med dys ____Dyslexics have more fnu (DYSL:fnu) lef ____Dyslexics untie! Together we can trip up the world (DYSL:dyslexics untie) lef sil ____E = mc^2 +^H_ 3d6 (E=MC:3d6) fny sci ____Eagles soar but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine (EAGL:eagles/weasel) cyn ang ____The early bird still has to eat worms (EARL:still/worms) cyn ____The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm (EARL:worm farm) wor cyn ____Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can. (EART:full/delete) com ____Earth shutting down in five minutes--please save all files and log out (EART:save/log) com ____The easiest way to accelerate a Mac is 9.8/sec^2, but it's the ONLY way to accelerate an IBM (EASI:accelerate/ibm) cpp ____Eat the Rich! The poor are tough and stringy (EAT-T:poor/tough) sil ____Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, hack whenever (EAT-W:eat/drink/hack) com ____Eeny Meeny Chili Beanie, the spirits are about to speak (EENY:spirits) med sil ____Elf (ELF:elf) fny ____Email: when it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light (EMAI:lost/speed) cpz ____The end of the world will occur this Friday at 3:00 PM, with symposium to follow (END-O:symposium) med ____End rush-hour traffic now! Legalize vehicular weaponry. (END-R:vehicular) vio ____Engaged in the passive overthrow of the U.S. government (ENGA:pasive overthrow) ana moo ____English is bad Ameslan (ENGL:bad ameslan) lan ____Enough research will tend to support your theory (ENOU:research/support) sci cyn ____The entire world is a very strange carrot, but the farmer is not worried at all (ENTI:carrot/worried) wei rea ____Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay its electric bill (ENTR:electric bill) sci sil ____Entropy isn't what it used to be (ENTR:entropy/used to) sci ____Entropy--it's a tough job, but somebody's got to undo it (ENTR:undo) sci ____Entropy requires no maintenance (ENTR:maintenance) sci ____Erle Stanley Gardnerian--Initiate of the Mysteries (ERLE:garnerian/mysteries) pun pag sil ____Eternal nothingness is ok if you're dressed for it (ETER:nothingness/dressed) sil &____'Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty' used to mean we watched the government--not the other way around (ETER:watch/government) pol ____Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies (EVEN:chocolate chip) foo ____Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake (EVEN:not asleep) mor moo ____Even Napoleon had his Watergate (EVEN:napolean/watergate) sil ____Every line a straight line, every pause a song cue (EVER:song cue) art *____Every organization appears to be headed by the secret agents of its enemies (EVER:agents/enemies) uni ____Every program has at least one bug and one unnecessary instruction--therefore, every program can be reduced to one instruction that doesn't work (EVER:doesn't work) cpb sil ____Every program is part of some other program, and rarely fits (EVER:rarely fits) cpa ____Every revolution evaporates, leaving behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy (EVER:slime) bur pol ____Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty (EVER:avalanche/guilty) uni cyn ____Every Spam is sacred (EVER:spam/sacred) med sil ____Every tenth Jesus is queer (EVER:tenth jesus) coe sil ____Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it (EVER:meaning/change) ang ____Everybody talks about reality, but nobody does anything about it (EVER:talks/does) rea sil ____Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes a day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit (EVER:five minutes) adv ____Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege (EVER:stupid/abuse) att ____Everyone is looking at you staring at my tits (EVER:staring/tits) coe ____Everyone was born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it. (EVER:only the greatest) lef ____Everything I say can stand on its own two faces (EVER:two faces) sil ____Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat (EVER:big toys) sil ____Everything is going to be alright--for varying values of alright (EVER:varying values) ang ____Everything is illusionary, but television is especially illusionary (EVER:illusionary/tv) med rea ____Evil Mentalist I think, therefore you aren't (EVIL:mentalist/aren't) fny sil ____Evolution in action [picture of Christian fish with legs] (EVOL:fish/evolution) rel sil ____Evolution--life's a niche, and then you die (EVOL:niche/die) pun ____Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options open (EVOL:evolution/options) moo *____Evolved-Again Secular Humanist (EVOL:secular) rel ____An excess of syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colon (EXCE:syntactic/semi-colon) cpu pun ____Excuse me while I change into something more formidable (EXCU:excuse/formidable) zzz ____Experience varies directly with equipment ruined (EXPE:varies/ruined) sci ____The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the data must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory (EXPE:data/discarded) sci cyn ____Fandom--drugs would be cheaper (FAND:drugs/cheaper) fan ____Fandom is the world's most sophisticated and advanced system for just hanging around (FAND:advanced/around) fan ____Fandom isn't a matter of life and death--it's much more important than that (FAND:life/death) fan ____Fandom--not your ordinary elite (FAND:ordinary elite) fan ____Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap operas (FAND:fantasy/soap operas) fnt med ____Fantasy isn't our crutch--it's arcane (FANT:crutch/arcane) pun fnt *____The faults in bad software can be so subtle as to be practically theological (FAUL:bad/software) com ____Fear no art (FEAR:no art) art ____The fear of death is the beginning of slavery (FEAR:fear/slavery) uni ____Federal Expresso: When you absolutely, positively have to stay up all night (FEDE:expresso) mor !____Federation Express: When it absolutely positively has to be there by Tuesday (FEDE:there/tuesday) med ____Feeling smug about someone else's opinions is the very lifeblood of the net (FEEL:smug/lifeblood) cpz ____Feline Sapiens (FELI:feline sapiens) cat ____The few, the proud, the incurably insane--The Concom (FEW-T:concom) fan *____Few things are as ego-boosting as being kicked out of an anarchy convention for unruly behavior (FEW-T:anarchy/unruly) att ____Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low blood sugar (FEW-T:hobbit/blood sugar) fnt ____FF buckets of bits on the bus, FF buckets of bits, Take one down and short it to ground, FE buckets of bits (FF-B:buckets/bits) com ____51% sweetheart, 49% bitch--don't push it (FIFT:sweetheart/bitch) bit ____Fimbriation is a borderline case (FIMB:fimbriation/borderline) mev ____The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny (FIRS:first cup) mor sci ____First generation Trekker 6609.08 (FIRS:6609.08) med ____The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90% (FIRS:90%/10%) cyn wor sci sch ____First-rate people hire first-rate people. Second-rate people hire third-rate people. (FIRS:hire third-rate) wor uni !____First they came for the cigarettes and I didn't speak up because I don't smoke. Then, they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak up because I don't drink. When they came for the chocolate I reached for my gun and ...oops! (FIRS:gun/chocolate/oops) pol wea foo ____First they came for the drug dealers and the inside traders, and I didn't speak out. Then they came for the smokers and the fat people, and I still didn't speak out. When they came for me, there was no one left to speak. (FIRS:dealers/traders) pol drg ____First they came for the fourth amendment, but I said nothing because I wasn't a drug dealer. Then they came for the sixth amendment, but I kept quiet because I wasn't guilty. Finally they came for the first amendment, and by then it was too late to say anything at all. (FIRS:fourth amendment) pol drg ____Flaming Heterosexual (FLAM:heterosexual) coe ____Flat Mars Society (FLAT:flat mars) sil ____Fool! I am the guard! (FOOL:fool/guard) fny *____For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3 (FOR-A:quality/press 3) str ____For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (FOR-E:action/criticism) mur ____For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision (FOR-E:vision/revision) wri wor sch ____For something to become clean, something else must become dirty, but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean (FOR-S:clean/dirty) uni sci ____For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team of trained solipsists (FOR=T:solipsists) sil ____Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries (FORE:aid/transfer) pol cyn ____Forewarned is half an octopus (FORE:1/2topus) pun sil ____Former Fetus for Choice (FORM:former fetus) pol ____Forms follow function, and often obliterate it (FORM:obliterate) bur wor ____Fortunately, the computer virus did no harm to our records. It was immediately devoured by the bugs in our own programming (FORT:virus/devoured) cpb ____Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed (FORT:bug/fixed) cpb mur ang ____42--The answer to life, the universe, and everything (FORT:42) med rea ____43% of all statistics are worthless (FORT:43%) par mat *____Four balls and you walk: if you're tried and acquitted four times, you can never be arrested again (FOUR:balls/acquitted) pol ____Fractals--what you see is what you wait for (FRAC:fractals/wait) com mat ____Free Oral Castrations (FREE:oral castrations) sic ____Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars! (FREE:freedom/immortality) zzz ____Freedom is just chaos with better lighting (FREE:chaos/lighting) ana ____Freedom of speech is wonderful--right up there with the freedom not to listen (FREE:not/listen) moo pol uni ____A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a mythstake (FREU:freudian/jungian) pun ____Friendly fire isn't. Recoiless rifles aren't. Suppressive fires won't. (FRIE:isn't/aren't/won't) mil cyn ____Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck (FRIS:frisbeetarianism) sil ____Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them (FROG:eat/bugs) str adv ____Fuck'em if they can't take a joke (FUCK:fuck'em/joke) att ____Fun Guy from Yuggoth (FUNG:yuggoth) cth pun ____Fun, Legal, Profitable--pick two (FUN:legal, profitable) wor cyn ____The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality (FUTU:imagination/reality) uni ____Game Operations Director (GAME:god) fny ____Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool! (GENE:out/pool) zzz *____The generation of random numbers is much too important to beleft to chance (GENE:important/chance) com mat ____Genetically perfect but morally crippled (GENE:genetically/morally) zzz ____Gerbil-jamming is safe--if you don't share gerbils (GERB:gerbil-jamming) sic ____Get thee down. Be thou funky. (GET-T:thee down) mev sil &____Give generously so that EPOXY can be cured (GIVE:epoxy/cured) pun ____Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you (GIVE:give/bend) pun ____Give me coffee and no one gets hurt (GIVE:coffee/no one) mor ____Give me levity or give me death (GIVE:levity) moo ____Give me that REAL old-time religion--Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Danu, Inanna (GIVE:real old time) pag ____Giving up Catholicism for Lent (GIVI:catholicism/lent) rel ____Global Village Idiot (GLOB:idiot) zzz ____!GO HOM-9 (GO-HO:hom-9) cpz ____Go Lemmings Go! (GO-LE:lemmings) cyn sfn ____Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes (GO-NO:elves) fnt ____Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes.... (GO-NO:usenet/counsel) cpz ____Go on and try it. The worst you can do is make a fool of yourself in front of all your friends (GO-ON:fool/friends) ang ____God created music so people could pray without words (GOD-C:music/without words) rel art ____God could create the universe in six days because he didn't have to make it upward compatible (GOD-C:six/compatible) cpa ____God didn't create the world in seven days--He goofed off for six, then pulled an all-nighter (GOD-C:all-nighter) sch ____God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference (GOD-G:serenity/weaponry) vio ____God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference (GOD-G:serenity) rel ____God is dead--you are all absolutely free (GOD-I:dead/free) zzz ____God, in His bounty and generosity, always creates more horse's asses than there are horses to attach them to (GOD-I:horses/attach) cyn ____God is love--but get it in writing (GOD-I:love/writing) cyn rel ____God made a few people perfect--the rest He created right-handed (GOD-M:created right-handed) lef att ____God saw absolute truth lying in the street and picked it up. The Devil said, "Give it to me and I'll organize it for you." (GOD-S:devil/organize) uni ____The Goddess does not seek worship--she rejoices in being vividly imagined (GODD:goddess/imagined) pag ____Gods R Us--how may you serve us? (GODS:serve us) sil ____Good leaders are scarce, so I am following myself (GOOD:scarce/following) moo ____`Good Morning' is a contradiction in terms (GOOD:morning/terms) mor ____The good news is: I'm a perfectionist. The bad news is: I charge by the hour. (GOOD:perfectionist/hour) wor ____A good slogan can stop thought for fifty years. A great slogan can stop it forever. (GOOD:good slogan) wor mur ____Gosh, that takes me back...or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell. (GOSH:trouble/time travel) med ____Government is non-consensual S&M with the second amendment as the only safeword (GOVE:s&m/amendment) pol wea ____Government is the great fiction whereby everyone endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else (GOVE:fiction/expense) pol mon cyn ____A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul (GOVE:peter/paul) pol cyn mon ____Grad School--it's not a job, it's an indenture (GRAD:indenture) sch ang ____Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving (GRAD:mad max) med ____Gravity isn't MY fault--I voted for velcro! (GRAD:velcro) sil ____The great tragedy of science is the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly fact (GREA:theory/fact) sci ____Gross anatomy--it isn't just for breakfast anymore (GROS:anatomy/breakfast) sic sil ____Growing old is mandatory--growing up is optional (GROW:old/mandatory) moo &____grumble grumble growl hiss bitch whine piss moan (GRUM:piss moan) str moo ang ____Guard the Mysteries--constantly reveal them (GUAR:guard/reveal) pag ____Gun control is a great idea--for governments FIRST (GUN-C:control/governments) pol wea ____Guns don't kill people--I do (GUNS:i do) vio ____Hacker != Cracker (HACK:!=cracker) com ____Hacking is a conversational black hole (HACK:hacking/black hole) com ____Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge (HACK:hacking's/kludge) cpu ____Hackito ergo sum (HACK:hackito) com ____Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would have been informed (HAD-T:fled/terror) zzz ____Hail Eris! All hail Discordia! [picture of apple] (HAIL:hail eris) dis ____Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra! (HAIL:ra!) pag pun ____Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five years--I'd just like to know which half (HALF:which half) sci moo ____Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's horse when it is leaping. (HALF:horse/leaping) adv ____Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don't care. (HALF:other/pretending) uni ____Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit (HAPP:dematerialization) med !____Happiness is seeing your DM's face on a milk carton (HAPP:dm/carton) frp ____Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear view mirror (HAPP:rear view) zzz ____Happy Happy Joy Joy (HAPP:joy joy) med ____Happy Happy Kill Kill (HAPP:kill kill) med ____Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances? (HARD:hard work) wor moo &____Hardware: the part of the computer that can be kicked. If you can only curse at it, it's software. (HARD:kicked/curse) cpa ____Harmless ninja throwing button (HARM:harmless button) fny sil ____Hatred is not a family value (HATR:not/family) coe uni ____Have an adequate day (HAV*A:adequate day) moo ____Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy (HAV*A:affair/monogamy) coe pun ____Have an illuminated day! [picture of smiley pyramid] (HAV*A:illuminated) zzz ____Have food--will work for money (HAV*F:food/money) wor mon ang ____Have no fear--I never attack lesser beings (HAV*N:lesser beings) att ____Have Tardis, will travel (HAV*T:tardis/travel) med ____Have you changed your tofu water today? (HAV*Y:tofu/water) foo ____Have you hugged your dragon today? (HAV*Y:hugged dragon) fnt ____Having a Prince Albert means never losing your car keys (HAVI:albert/keys) sic ____Heaven and earth regard the ten thousand things as straw dogs, and I feel fine (HEAV:dogs/fine) rel sil ____The heck with top and bottom--I want relationships with strangeness and charm (HECK:relationships/charm) coe sci ____Hedonist for Hire--No job too easy (HEDO:hedonist/job) moo sil ____Hell is having to read the metaphysical arguments in alt.magick....and remember, there's no 'n' key in hell (HEL;metaphysical/'n') cpz ____The hell with criticism--praise is good enough for me (HELL:criticism/praise) att moo ____The hell with the prime directive--let's kill something (HELL:prime directive) med vio *____Hello. I'm from the government and I'm here to tell you thatthe check is in the mail. (I'M-F:government/check) pol sic ____Hello--I'm in a superposition of states right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as my state collapses (HELL:superposition) sci ____Hello. My $NAME is ~inigo-montoya. You killed my process. Prepare to vi. --The Unix's Bride (HELL:~inigo-montoya) cpy ____Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die. (HELL:batman/father) med ____Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare to die. (HELL:oedipus) sic art ____Heralds don't pun--they cant (HERA:heralds/cant) mev pun ____Here at First National, you're not just a number--you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number (HERE:numbers/dash) wor ____He's dead, Jean-Luc (HE'S:jean-luc) med ____He's dead, Jim. (HE'S:jim) med ____He's dead, Jim. You take his phaser, I'll get his wallet. (HE'S:phaser/wallet) med ____ guys (HI-G:hi guys) pun ____Hi! I can't remember your name either (HI-I:can't remember) moo ____Hi! I'll be your asshole for the evening. (HI-I:asshole/evening) att ____ y'all (HI-Y:hi y'all) pun &____High tech means breaks down next week, cutting edge means breaks down this afternoon (HIGH:breaks/afternoon) mur ____High Voltage Electronics--life's a glitch, and then you fry (HIGH:glitch/fry) sci pun ____History doesn't repeat itself--historians repeat each other (HIST:doesn't repeat) cyn ____History is the science of what never happens twice (HIST:never twice) cyn uni ____History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up (HIST:history/price) zzz ____History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history. (HIST:repeats/wrong) uni ____Hit any key to continue, or any other key to quit (HIT-A:other/quit) com sil &____Hit any key? With what? (HIT-A:with what) cpa ____Hobbes is real and Calvin is his pet boy (HOBB:pet boy) sil ____Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no march for a good bullwhip by your side (HOKE:bullwhip) med ____Hollow chocolate has no calories (HOLL:hollow chocolate) foo sil ____Home is where you can scratch where it really itches (HOME:scratch/really) uni ____Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense (HONE:insanity/defense) cyn ins *____HONOR Do what you say. Say what you mean. Mean what youdo. (HONO:say/mean/do) zzz ____A host is a host from coast to coast, and no one will talk to a host that's close, unless the host (that isn't close) is busy, hung, or dead (HOST:is a host) cpz ____Housewives against entropy (HOUS:housewives/entropy) zzz ____Housework can kill you if you do it right (HOUS:housework/kill) wor uni ____How can I miss you when you won't go away? (HOW-C:miss/won't) att ____How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? (HOW-C:two places) rea sil ____How come you never see a politician laugh? Because they know what they're getting away with, and if they started laughing, they'd never stop (HOW-C:politician/laugh) pol cyn ____How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? One third less than it takes to change a regular bulb. (HOW*B:brewers) pun drg ____How many lawyer jokes are there? Four. The rest are all true stories. (HOW*L:jokes/four) zzz ____How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb? One and a half. (HOW*M:martians/light bulb) sil ____How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier riddle (HOW*M:mathematicians) mat *____How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just get Bill Gates to declare darkness the company standard. (HOW*M:declare darkness) cpj ____How many more innocent people must die before we shut the post office down? (HOW*M:innocent/post office) vio pol ____How many recovering co-dependents does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The recovering co-dependent detaches and tells the lightbulb to screw itself. (HOW*R:co-dependent/light bulb) zzz ____How many SysAdmins does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They deny privileges to everyone with access to that room. (HOW*S:sysadmins/access) cpz !____How many usenetters does it take to change a lightbulb? Read the FAQ (HOW-M:lightbulb/faq) cpz ____How will you know the answer to that question if you don't ask me out loud? (HOW-W:question/out loud) coe ____Human beings don't live like this (HUMA:human beings) moo ____The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity--the rest is overhead for the operating system (HUMA:overhead/system) com ____The human race is still in beta testing (HUMA:still/beta) zzz com ____Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt stars (HUMA:bears/stars) lan ang ____The human spirit is a hard thing to kill, even with a chain saw (HUMA:spirit/chain saw) med sic ____Humanity's strongest impulse is the desire to edit other people's copy^H^H^H^H words^H^H^H^H^H writing (HUMA:desire/edit) wri uni ____Humor is emotional chaos recollected in tranquility (HUMO:chaos/tranquility) uni ____Humpty Dumpty was pushed (HUMP:dumpty) cyn sil ____I always thank the dinosaurs for a plentiful supply of 10W30. It may seem selfish, but they were going to die anyway (I-AL:dinosaurs/10w30) att sci ____I am a BBS addict. If you are a decent person you will not show me your dialing directory. (I-AM-A:bbs addict) cpz ____I am a bookaholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another book. (I-AM-A:bookaholic) boo ____I am a bookaholic. If you are a decent person, you will sell me books at half price. (I-AM-A:half price) boo ____I am a buttonholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another button. (I-AM-A:buttonholic) zzz ____I am a genius and should be exempt from shit (I-AM-A:genius/exempt) att ang ____I am a Quaker. In case of emergency, please be quiet. (I-AM-A:quaker/emergency) rel ____I am a softwareholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me any more software. (I-AM-A:softwareholic) cpa *____I am an intellectual (I think) (I-AM:intellectual/I think) moo *____I am Bart of Borg. Assimilate my shorts, man.... (I-AM:bart/assimilate) med ____I am Boris of Borg. Moose and squirrel are irrelevent. (I-AM-B:moose/irrelevent) med sil ____I am different, I am alone and I'm am outcast...I bleed green! (I-AM-D:bleed green) med *____I am heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication (I-AM-H:heavily/easily) vio ins *____I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi...oooh, donuts! (I-AM:assimi...oooh) med ____I am interested in politics so that someday I will not have to be interested in politics (I-AM-I:politics/someday) pol ____I am not A bitch...I am THE bitch (I-AM-N:THE bitch) bit ____I am not a happy camper (I-AM-N:happy camper) moo ____I am not a minority. I am an outnumbered majority. (I-AM-N:outnumbered majority) sil moo ____I am not a monotheist--the world looks as though it was designed by a committee (I-AM-N:world/committee) rea rel ____I am not a number! I am a free numeric variable! (I-AM-N:free numeric) com ____I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of a far wider academy, of which human nature is only a part (I-AM-N:not a student) med ____I am not a thug. I am not a fanatic. I am a vitamin supplement to justice. (I-AM-N:vitamin/justice) vio ____I am not a trained killer. I LEAD trained killers. (I-AM-N:trained killer) vio att ____I am NOT conceited--I just can't stand mortals (I-AM-N:not conceited) att ____I am one of the greatest liars in the English language--I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't know it wasn't true (I-AM-O:greatest liars) par sil lan ____I am ready to meet my Maker--whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter (I-AM-R:maker/ordeal) att ____I am sick and depraved--please feed me drugs and cookies (I-AM-S:drugs/cookies) drg ____I am simply a human being, more or less (I-AM-S:human being) wei ____I am the Imp of the Perverse (knowing this won't help you, either) (I-AM-T:imp of perverse) att ____I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater (I-AM-T:sweater) zzz ____I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior (I-AM-U:sugar/behavior) mor str ____I am very flexible--I can put both feet in my mouth (I-AM-V:very flexible) moo ____I am very interested in the future because I plan to spend the rest of my life there (I-AM-V:future/life) zzz *____I am what I am, and I don't think Betty Ford takes vampires! (I-AM-W:betty ford/vampires) med ____I am ZaZa LaBorg--prepare to be assimilated, dollink! (I-AM-Z:laborg/dollink) med ____I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improved the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. (I-ARI:improve/enjoy) moo ____I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days (I-CAN:succession/ordinary) moo ____I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can find ye a loophole (I-CAN:canna change) med ____I can't be late--I just got here (I-CAN:just got here) lat ____I can't be overdrawn--I still have checks left! (I-CAN:checks left) mon ____I can't grow up--I'm too old (I-CAN:too old) moo ____I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man who had no head (I-CRI:hair/head) sil ____I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies (I-DID:claw/veggies) foo att ____I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything. (I-DID:can't prove) med ____I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. (I-DID:impossible/did it) moo ____I died for your sins, and all I got was this lousy button (I-DIE:sins/button) rel att ____I do so have a memory. It's in /usr. (I-DO:/usr) cpy ____I do the work of three men--Larry, Moe, and Curly (I-DO:larry/moe) sil moo wor ____I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to (I-DO:crispies tell) sil ins ____I don't believe in no-win scenarios (I-D*B:no win) med ____I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too. (I-D*B:disposal) pol mon ____I don't brake for incumbents (I-D*B:brake/incumbants) pol vio ____I don't care if I'm a lemming, I'm still not going (I-D*C:lemming/going) moo sil ____I don't care if it IS user friendly--I'm not computer friendly (I-D*C:computer friendly) cpa ____I don't care if *they* get the government they deserve, but why do *I* have to get the government they deserve? (I-D*C:government/deserve) pol ang ____I don't care who does the electing, so long as I get to do the nominating (I-D*C:electing/nominating) pol cyn ____I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on water while I'm fishing! (I-D*C:care/fishing) att ____I don't delegate responsibility--I delegate blame (I-D*D:delegate blame) att wor bur ____I don't do names (I-D*D:do names) att ____I don't do work, but I have a friend who does (I-D*D:work/friend) vio fnt wor ____I don't especially hate vampires--I just hate anything above ME on the food chain (I-D*E:vampires/food chain) fnt ____I don't have an attitude, babe--I AM an attitude (I-D*H:am attitude) att ____I don't have an attitude problem--it's supposed to be like this (I-D*H:attitude/supposed) att ____I don't have an overactive imagination--I live in an underactive universe (I-D*H:imagination/universe) rea att ____I don't have any solutions, but I certainly admire the problem (I-D*H:admire problem) moo ____I don't have burnout, but I'm slightly singed (I-D*H:burnout/singed) str moo ____I don't have to take this abuse from you--I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me (I-D*H:abuse) med ang ____I don't HAVE ulcers--I give them! (I-D*H:ulcers) att *____I don't know and I don't care--that's why they put me incharge (I-D*K:know/care/in charge) moo ____I don't know. I don't know. I just don't know. (I-D*K:just don't) moo ____I don't like spreading rumors, but what else can you do with them? (I-D*L:rumors) moo ____I don't like violence but I'm very good at it (I-D*L:don't like violence) vio ____I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but I would if I could (I-D*M:feel guilty) moo ____I don't mind being in touch with reality, as long as I don't have to live there (I-D*M:touch/reality) rea ____I don't mind being in touch with reality, so long as I don't have to pay the phone bill (I-D*M:reality/phone bill) rea ____I don't mind getting older. I just mind that I have aging children (I-D*M:aging children) bab ____I don't miss deadlines, I ignore them (I-D*M:deadlines/ignore) lat wor sch moo ____I don't need you, you know--I can be lonely all by myself (I-D*N:need/lonely) ang ____I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I preach to (I-D*P:preach to) att ____I don't pretend to understand the universe--it's much bigger than I am --Einstein (I-D*P:universe/bigger) sci ____I don't remember volunteering for this "Ring" business (I-D*R:volunteering/"Ring") fnt ____I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there (I-D*S:see/pretend) att sil ____I don't suffer from insanity--I revel in it! (I-D*S:insanity/revel) ins moo &____I don't take up more than my share of space--my share's bigger than yours, that's all (I-DON:share's bigger) att ____I don't want constructive criticism. It's all I can do to put up with constructive praise (I-D*W:criticism/praise) moo ____I don't want to die--existence is one of my strong points (I-D*W:existence/strong) rea *____I don't want to live forever--I just want to outlive my enemies and my cat (I-DON:outlive/cat) cat wei ____I don't want to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I could read with pleasure (I-D*W:obituary/pleasure) moo ____I eat junk food to get it out of the house (I-EAT:junk food) foo ____I eat the flesh of the living--and I vote (I-EAT:flesh/vote) sic pol ____I feel like I'm trapped in a Hemingway story. If I get any more cryptic, I won't be able to talk at all. (I-FEE:hemingway) art lan ____I fight for what I believe in. I'm a mercenary, and what I believe in is money. (I-FIG:believe) vio mon !____I finally got back on the net. Now I will never get anything done. (I-FIN:net/never) cpz ____I finally got it all together--but then I forgot where I put it (I-FIN:together/forgot) moo ____I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to sit still in two spots (I-FIN:two spots) sil lan ____I find your lack of faith disturbing (I-FIN:faith/disturbing) med ____I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!" (I-FOU:jesus/tag) rel sil wei ____I give good back (I-GIV:good back) bac *____I go from 0 to bitch in 1.5 seconds. Take your foot off theaccelerator (I-GO:bitch/accelerator) bit ____I grew up on Mt. Everest and everything's been downhill since (I-GRE:Everest/downhill) pun ____I guess we were all guilty. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I killed Bob". (I-GUE:guilty/sticker) sic vio ____I had no shoes and wept. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Hey man, got any shoes you're not using?" (I-HAD:shoes/using) att ____I hate you, you hate me, let's go out and kill Barney--with a 9 millimeter bullet to the head, lets tell Baby Bop Barney's dead (I-HAT:9mm) med vio ____I hate you, you hate me, We're a dysfunctional family (I-HAT:hate/dysfunctional) med *____I hated Barney before it was cool (I-HAT:barney/cool) med ____I have a firm grip on reality--by the throat (I-HA*A:reality/throat) rea att *____I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and am therefore excused from saving universes (I-H*A:duty gland) att ____I have a mind like a steel sieve (I-HA*A:steel sieve) moo ____I have a mind like a steel trap; whatever goes in gets crushed and mangled! (I-HA*A:crushed/mangled) ins *____I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel! (I-H*V:plan/weasel) att *____I have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plainlymarks for my revue mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your pleased to no. Its letter perfect in it's weigh--my checker tolled me sew. (I-H*A:tolled me sew) cpa ____I have a talent for idleness which is tragically wasted by my working here (I-HA*A:talent/idleness) wor moo ____I have an understanding with my local police--I have them outgunned, but they have me outnumbered (I-HA*A:outgunned/outnumbered) wea att ____I have bungee fever and there's only one cure....BOING.... (I-HA*B:bungee/boing) sil moo *____I have found a wonderful counterexample, but it won't fit in this universe --Fermat (I-H*F:counterexample/universe) mat ____I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your WHOLE BODY! (I-HA*N:more humility) att ____I have no humility. It's a virtue, but I can live with it (I-HA*N:humility/virtue) att ____I have no use for adventures--they're nasty disturbing uncomfortable things and make you late for dinner! (I-HA*N:adventures/dinner) fnt moo ____I have not lost my mind--I know exactly where I left it (I-HA*N:mind/exactly where) moo ____I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on disk somewhere (I-HA*N:mind/disk) com ____I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on tape somewhere (I-HA*N:mind/tape) com ____I have not lost my mind--the tape address is backed up on disk someplace (I-HA*N:tape/disk) com ____I have partaken of the Great Banquet of Life. What I need now is the Great Alka-Seltzer of Life. (I-HA*P:banquet/alka-seltzer) moo sil ang ____I have PMS and a gun. Care to comment? (I-HA*P:pms/gun) bit moo ____I have PMS and ESP--that makes me a bitch who knows everything (I-HA*P:pms/esp) bit ____I have to do it myself, but I can't do it alone (I-HA*T:myself/alone) uni ____I haven't exactly lost it--it's been temporarily mislaid (I-HAV:temporarily) zzz ____I haven't killed anyone yet. Help me keep it that way. (I-HAV:haven't killed) vio moo ____I haven't lost it--it's been temporally mislaid (I-HAV:temporally mislaid) zzz ____I judge people by what is in their hearts--not by the color of their scales (I-JUD:hearts/scales) sil fnt sfn ____I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of my fingers! What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes another! (I-JUS:buzz saw) sic ____I just know I was meant to be born rich--somebody up there must have fouled up the paperwork (I-JUS:rich/paperwork) mon moo ____I just MIGHT say yes (I-JUS:say yes) coe ____I knew I had some reason for not killing you...Now what was it? (I-KNE:reason/killing) vio moo ____I know drinking kills brain cells--but only the weak ones (I-KNO:cells/weak) drg att ____I know I'm a sick person--the question is whether it's charming or offensive (I-KNO:charming/offensive) moo ____I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously. (I-KNO:simultaneously) zzz ____I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words (I-KNO:karate) vio ____I know that every time one door closes, another door opens, but why do these hallways have to be so dark? (I-KNO:hallways/dark) moo ____I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, SMALLTALK, LISP, and nineteen other high-tech words (I-KNO:high/tech) com ____I know where my towel is (I-KNO:my towel) med ____I like life--it's something to do (I-LIK:like life) moo ____I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. (I-LIK:dogs/cats/pigs) zzz cat ____I like the idea of an ancient race--it makes a world feel so...lived in (I-LIK:ancient race) med sil ____I loathe anyone who keeps dogs. They're cowards who don't have the courage to bite people themselves. (I-LOA:cowards/bite) att moo ____I love it when a plan comes together (I-LOV:plan/together) med ____I love it when a pun comes together (I-LOV:pun/together) pun ____I love lefties (I-LOV:lefties) lef ____I logo (I-LOV:logo) cpx ____I love my attitude problem (I-LOV:attitude problem) att ____I love you, you love me...Dinosaur sexuality (I-LOV:dinosaur sexuality) med ____I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a GREEDY craven little coward (I-MAY:greedy craven) med ____I may have taught you everything you^H^H^H___ know, but I haven't taught you everything I^H_ know (I-MAY:you/i) att ____I may not understand what you say, but I'll defend to the death my right to deny it (I-MAY:defend/deny) att ____I may rise, but I refuse to shine (I-MAY:refuse/shine) mor moo ____I must have slipped a disk. My pack hurts. (I-MUS:disk/pack) cpu ____I need my sinuses like I need a hole in the head (I-NEE:sinuses/head) pun ____I never believe anything until it's been officially denied (I-NEV:believe/denied) cyn *____I never give people hell--I just tell them the truth andthey think it's hell (I-NEV:truth/hell) att ____I never spit in your drink--why do you smoke in my air? (I-NEV:smoke/air) smo !____I owed the government $3400 in taxes, so I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat (I-OWE:$3400) pol ____I practice parallel monogamy (I-PRA:parallel monogamy) coe ____I pray for boredom but it never comes (I-PRA:pray/boredom) moo ____I prefer to remain anomalous (I-PRE:anomalous) wei ____I read the FM, and it didn't work (I-REA:fm/didn't work) cpd ____I really hate this damned machine, I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want, but only what I tell it. (I-REA:hate/sell) cpa ____I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore (I-REF:intimidated/reality) rea att ____I smoked marijuana in college, and I didn't exhale (I-SMO:smoked/exhale) drg ____I snore. I don't care. I don't have to. I'm ASLEEP. (I-SNO:snore/don't care) att ____I spend my life doing things I detest to make money I don't need to buy things I don't want to impress people I don't like (I-SPE:spend life) mon ang ____I stared into the abyss. The abyss stared into me. Neither of us liked what we saw. (I-STA:abyss/neither) sil ____I studied COBOL in college, but I didn't compile (I-STU:cobol/compile) cpx ____I support everyone's right to be an idiot. I may need it myself someday. (I-SUP:idiot) att ____I support family values--Addams family values (I-SUP:addams/values) sil pol ____I support the rights of straight people, even though I'm perfectly bent myself (I-SUP:support/bent) coe ____[I think] [I am] (I-THI:think/am) com ____[I think] [I am] (I-THI:yes/no) com ____I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed (I-THI:very depressed) med ang ____I thought I had a back-up, but she refused to type it in again (I-THO:back-up/refused) cpd ____I thought YOU silenced the guard! (I-THO:silenced) fny ____I tried being reasonable once--I didn't like it (I-TRI:reasonable/like) att ____I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal (I-TRY:day/surreal) wei ____I try to see good in everything--it makes me horrible to live with (I-TRY:good/horrible) moo sil !____I used to have a Heisenbergmobile, but every time I looked at the speedometer, I got lost (I-USE:heisenbergmobile) sci sil ____I used to be amused--now I'm just bored (I-USE:amused/bored) moo ____I used to be conceited--but now I'm perfect (I-USE:conceited/perfect) att ____I used to be disgusted--now I'm just amused (I-USE:disgusted/amused) moo ____I used to be sane...but I got better (I-USE:got better) ins med ____I used to belong to a solipsism club, but I got bored and voted everyone else out (I-USE:solipsism club) sil ____I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance (I-USE:life/tolerance) moo drg ____I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money (I-USE:drug/money) drg mon ____I used to love anchovies until I realized they were like eating an eyebrow. Now they just aren't the same. (I-USE:anchovies/eyebrow) foo sic ____I wanna have Vincent's kittens (I-WAN:vincent's kittens) med sil ____I want a map of this conversation (I-WAN:map/conversation) moo ____I warn you not to underestimate my powers (I-WAR:underestimate) med att ____I was a Klingon before Klingons were popular (I-WAS:klingons/popular) med att ____I was assimilated by the Borg, and all I got was this lousy button (I-WAS:borg/button) med ____I was born in Iowa, I just work in outer space (I-WAS:Iowa/space) med ____I was perfect--and then my parents got hold of me (I-WAS:perfect/parents) bab ____I was sitting in the lap of luxury--and then luxury stood up (I-WAS:luxury stood) mon ang ____I was stupid, I was expendable, and here I am (I-WAS:expendable) cyn med ____I wasn't born Republican, Democrat, or yesterday (I-WAS:born/yesterday) pol att ____I will continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now possible remain possible (I-WIL:impossible person) att moo ____I will defend to the death everyone's right to my opinion (I-WIL:death/opinion) att ____I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free man! (I-WIL:not a #) med ____I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free woman! (I-WIL:free woman) med ____I will not get very far with this attitude (I-WIL:not get/attitude) med att ____I wish conservatives would learn the difference between a sin and a crime, and liberal would learn the difference between a virtue and a requirement (I-WIS:sin/crime) pol ____I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's one called "brightness," but it doesn't work. (I-WIS:knob/intelligence) med moo ____I wonder if the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress (I-WON:aging/congress) pol ____I won't ever grow up. My biological clock has a snooze alarm. (I-WON:grow up/snooze) moo ____I wore black BEFORE it was cool (I-WOR:black/cool) att moo *____I wore black until it was cool (I-WOR:black until) moo *____I worked late on my birthday and nobody brought ME a cute vampire! (I-WOR:cute vampire) med ____I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste funny (I-WOU:fly/taste) sic sil ____I wouldn't mind dying--it's that business of having to stay dead that scares me (I-WOU:stay dead) zzz ____I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me (I-WOU:sex, drugs & insanity) drg att ____I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids, but I wouldn't pay a dime for another one (I-WOU:kids/dime) bab moo ____I'd be an agnostic if I cared that much (I'D-BE:agnostiv/cared) rel ____I'd do anything to make you happy, but you're asking too much (I'D-DO:asking too much) zzz ____I'd like to have breakfast with you...should I call you or nudge you? (I'D-LI:call/nudge) coe ____I'd lose my body if my brain weren't surrounded by it (I'D-LO:body/surrounded) sil ____I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing, and now I've got to undo it (I'D-LO:undo) coe sil ____I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it (I'D-LO:mind/left) moo ____I'd rather have a bigot think I'm a lesbian than have a lesbian think I'm a bigot (I'D-RA:lesbian/bigot) coe ____An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it (IDEA:idea/responsible) uni ____The idea that God is His own grandmother may be unsupported by Scripture, but who wants to offend God's grandmother? (IDEA:god's grandmother) rel sil ____The ideal government would just tax everyone a dollar a year and then spend it all on fireworks (IDEA:$1/fireworks) pol ____If a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is heard, is it always the fault of the book? (IF-A-B:collide/hollow) boo ____If a program is useful, it must be changed--if it's useless, it must be documented (IF-A-P:useful/useless) cpr cyn ____If a system is of sufficient complexity, it will be written before it's designed, implemented before it's tested, and obsolete before it's debugged (IF-A-S:built/obselete) cpr mur ____If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station? (IF-A-T:train/stops) cpu ____If all else fails, lower your standards (IF-AL:lower standards) adv ____If all else fails, read the directions (IF-AL:fails/directions) adv ____If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they'd point in different directions (IF-AL:economists) cyn ____If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail (IF-AL:hammer/nail) uni ____If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail [picture of thumbnail] (IF-AL:hammer/thumb) zzz ____If anyone disagrees with anything I've said, I'll not only retract it, I'll swear under oath that I've never said it (IF-AN:disagrees/retract) moo ____If anything is used to its full potential, it will break (IF-AN:potential/break) mur ____If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport (IF-AS:assholes/fly) str moo sil ____If at first you don't succeed, change the rules (IF-AT:change rules) adv fny ____If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set (IF-AT:transform/data) com &____If C++ is your hammer, everything gets to look like a thumb (IF-C+:thumb) cpx ____If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers, a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside (IF-CO:cars/computers) cpa ____If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from? (IF-EN:entropy/from) sci sil ____If God dwells within us, I hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting (IF-GO:dwells/enchiladas) rel sil ____If God had meant us to be naked, we would have been born that way (IF-GO:naked/born) zzz ____If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates (IF-GO:vote/candidates) pol cyn ____If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn't have given me such a vivid imagination (IF-GO:paranoid/imagination) ins ____If God took acid, would He see people? (IF-GO:acid/people) drg sil ____If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? (IF-GU:guns/swords) wea ____If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments? (IF-GU:guns/arguments) pol wea ____If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals? (IF-GU:guns/liberals) vio ____If I promise to miss you, will you go away? (IF-I-P:miss/go) att ____If I thought life was cheap, I wouldn't charge so much to take one (IF-I-T:cheap/charge) vio mon ____If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails (IF-I-W:opinion/entrails) vio att ____If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you (IF-I-W:stupid opinoin) vio att ____If I were any more convenient, I'd be a nuisance (IF-I-W:convenient/nuisance) zzz ____If I'd known grandchildren would be so much fun, I would have had them first (IF-I'D:grandchildren/first) bab par ____If `if' statements had no `then' clauses, (IF-IF:no `then') par ____If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? (IF-IG:bliss/more people) cyn uni ang ____If it doesn't work, change the documentation (IF-IT:work/documentation) cpd cyn ____If it doesn't work, use a bigger hammer. If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway. (IF-IT:bigger hammer) att ____If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly (IF-IT:syntax/user friendly) cpd ____If it isn't baroque, don't fix it--unless you're sure you can handel it (IF-IT:baroque/handel) pun art ____If it were easy to understand, we wouldn't call it code (IF-IT:understand/code) cpr ____If it weren't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL, and OBOL (IF-IT:basi/obol) cpx sil ____If it's any of your business, it isn't really gossip (IF-IT:business/gossip) uni ____If it's not on fire, it's a software problem (IF-IT:fire/software) cpd ____If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things (IF-IT:one/bunch) str ____If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid (IF-IT:stupid/works) uni ____If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly (IF-IT:worth/badly) uni ____If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name? (IF-JE:jewish/mexican) sil rel ____If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath, all the air would be on the other side of the room (IF-MU:murphy/air/room) sci sil ____If my income is fixed, how come I'm always broke? (IF-MY:income/broke) mon ang ____If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes from peanuts, where does baby oil come from? (IF-OL:baby oil) sil pun ____If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose (IF-ON:universe/purpose) ang ____If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to do anything (IF-ON:accomplishment/anything) ang ____If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never hurt you, nine times out of ten (IF-PE:people/never hurt) med uni ____If people were required to know the law rather than to obey it, the government would be overthrown the next day (IF-PE:know/obey) ana ____If pi were three, this sentence would look like this [the o's are hexagons] (IF-PI:pi/three) sci sil ____If space is warped, time is all that's weft (IF-SP:warped/weft) pun ____If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we would have issued you one (IF-ST:life/issued) med att ____If stupidity is outlawed, only outlaws will be stupid (IF-ST:stupidity/outlawed) sil ____If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now (IF-TH:Schwarzenegger) str ang ____If the economy can only get better or worse, why aren't economists right half the time? (IF-TH:economists/half) cyn !____If the government doesn't trust me with my guns, why should I trust it with my money? (IF-TH:guns/my money) pol ____If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them and elect a new people? (IF-TH:/dissove/elect) pol cyn !____If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why should we trust them with theirs? (IF-TH:trust/guns) pol wea ____If the government REALLY wanted us to obey the law, they would tell us what it is (IF-TH:obey/tell) pol cyn ____If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body...then only left-handed people are in their right minds! (IF-TH:brain/body) lef ____If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why should we trust them with theirs? (IF-TH:trust/guns) wea pol ____If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space? (IF-TH:universe/parking) sci sil ____If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression, administer Chinese food immediately (IF-TH:administer Chinese food) foo ____If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression, administer chocolate immediately! (IF-TH:administer chocolate) foo ____If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately (IF-TH:ego/immediately) med att ____If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? (IF-TH:pops kleenex) rel rea ____If there's so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I have more free time? (IF-TH:machinery/time) zzz ____If they don't want us to drink and drive, we shouldn't need a driver's license to buy beer (IF-TH:license/beer) drg pol ____If they give you lined paper, write the other way! (IF-TH:lined paper) ana adv *____If this is tourist season, what's the bag limit? (IF-TH:tourist/bag) vio pun ____If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? (IF-TI:tin/fog) pun lan ____If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? (IF-TO:today/yesterday) zzz ____If trying to control someone else's addiction is codependency, then what's the war on drugs? (IF-TT:addiction/what's) drg ____If voting could change the system, it would be illegal. If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal. (IF-VO:voting/illegal) pol cyn ____If we can build a space shuttle, why can't we build a decent mattress handle? (IF-WE:shuttle/mattress) cyn ang ____If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage (IF-WE:losing/luggage) zzz *____If we wish to understand the nature of the universe, we have an inner hidden advantage: we are ourselves little portions of the universe, and so carry the answer within us (IF-WE:answer within) uni ____If we're both Significant Others, are we a couple of SO-and-SO's? (IF-WE:so-and-so's) pun coe ____If we're so smart and so creative, why aren't we happier than they are? (IF-WE:smart/creative) cyn moo ____If words could speak, I wonder what they'd say (IF-WO:words/speak) lan par ____If work were so wonderful, the rich would keep it all for themselves (IF-WO:work/would keep) wor cyn ____If you are given an open book exam, you will forget the book. If you are given a take home exam, you will forget where you live. (IF-Y*A:exam/forget) sch ____If you are in a car travelling at the speed of light in reverse and turn on the headlights, what happens? (IF-Y*A:c/headlights) sci sil ____If you are willing to die, you can do anything (IF-Y*A:willing to die) uni ____If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you may have an exciting future as a guillotine operator (IF-Y*C:future/guillotine) sil sic ____If you can read this, you're in range (IF-Y*C:read/range) vio wea sic coe !____If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing (IF-YO:computer/kick-boxing) com vio ____If you can't create it--respect it (IF-Y*C:create/respect) adv ____If you can't dress weird, why dress at all? (IF-Y*C:why dress) wei adv ____If you can't fight and you can't flee...FLOW (IF-Y*C:fight/flee/flow) adv ____If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet? (IF-Y*C:without/dead) att coe ____If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic [pictures of fish, eye, paperclip] (IF-Y*C:nice/surrealistic) wei ____If you can't solve the problems of the world with chocolate chip cookies, then how can you solve them? (IF-Y*C:solve/cookies) foo ____If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby? (IF-Y*C:choice/baby) coe pol ____If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt? (IF-Y*C:print/steal) pol mon ____If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten (IF-Y*D:do/get) adv uni ____If you don't believe in angels, you haven't heard me sing. If you don't believe in demons, you haven't heard me snore. (IF-Y*D:sing/snore) art ____If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours (IF-Y*D:go/funerals) par sil !____If you don't know history, you're condemned to repeat it....If you do know history, you're doomed to make other dumb mistakes (IF-YO:condemned/doomed) cyn ____If you don't like lawyers, the next time you're arrested hire a comedian (IF-Y*D:lawyers/comedian) zzz ____If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile (IF-Y*D:drive/Batmobile) med att ____If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street...the sidewalk...the lawn... (IF-Y*D:way I drive) att ____If you don't make the rules, you don't have to keep them. If you do make the rules, you won't anyway. (IF-Y*D:make/keep) dis cyn ____If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. (IF-Y*D:drive/putt) drg pun ____If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. (IF-Y*D:drink/park) drg adv ____If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day (IF-Y*E:frog/morning) sic ____If you eat Twinkies Lite, do you kill one third less people? No, but you get a much lighter sentence (IF-Y*E:twinkies lite) pun ____If you had to look at Lee Iacocca and eat raw fish, you'd barf too (IF-Y*H:iacocca/barf) pol ____If you have a problem with my weight, it's YOUR problem. Would some chocolate help you forget about it? (IF-Y*H:your problem/chocolate) att foo ____If you know what you're doing, how long it will take, or what it will cost, it isn't research. (IF-Y*K:isn't research) sci ____If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it. (IF-Y*L:hunt/kill) vio *____If you meet Barney on the road, kill him (IF-YO:barney/road) med ____If you think I need to be saved from myself, I probably need to be saved from you (IF-Y*T:saved from) moo ____If you torture the data enough, it will confess (IF-Y*T:data/confess) sci *____If you want information from the net, don't ask questions--post errors (IF-YO:questions/errors) cpz ____If you want to know what government medicine would be like, ask someone in a VA hospital (IF-Y*W:ask/va) pol ____If you want to live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse, IT'S TOO LATE! (IF-Y*W:corpse/late) zzz *____If you're allergic to cats, stay away from me--and maybeI'll rub against your legs anyway (IF-YO:allergic/rub legs) cat *____If you're going down in flames, you might as well hit something big (IF-YO:flames/big) str ____If you're going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance (IF-YO:thin ice/dance) adv ____If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate (IF-YO:solution/precipitate) sci pun sil ____If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? (IF-YO:90%/3%) uni sil ____If you're working on your dissertation and you're reading Usenet, add six months to your graduation date (IF-YO:usenet/months) cpz sch ____If you've never said "excuse me" to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you're probably wasting too much valuable reading time (IF-YO:fireplug/wasting) boo ____Ignorance is bliss, but it'll never replace sex (IGNO:replace sex) coe ____I'll get a life when someone convinces me that it would be better than what I have now (I'LL-G:convinces/better) moo ____I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure! (I'LL-T:once/twice) moo ____I'll wear any color so long as it's black (I'LL-W:color/black) zzz ____The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. (ILLE:illegal/unconstitutional) zzz ____Illegitimi Non Carborundum [with picture of smiling cat] (ILLE:illegitimi) adv ____I'm a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot! (I'M-A-C:citizen/gentleman) med ____I'm a flying saucer pilot for the CIA (I'M-A-F:saucer/cia) wei ____I'm a game master--it's lonely at the top (I'M-A-G:gm/lonely) fny att ____I'm a hallucinogenic toad--lick me all over (I'M-A-H:toad/lick) drg coe ____I'm a law unto myself--and I break it anyway! (I'M-A-L:unto myself) att ____I'm a misanthrope--what's your fucking problem? (I'M-A-M:misanthrope) att ____I'm a mutated .sig virus. Copy me into your .sig or risk instant death. (I'M-A-M:mutated .sig) cpz ____I'm a right-brain mind in a left-brain job (I'M-A-R:mind/job) wor moo ____I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing (I'M-A-V:dangerous fellow) med sil ____I'm a Zen nudist--I'm naked in my own mind (I'M-A-Z:zen nudist) pun ____I'm an anarchist, especially about whatever someone ELSE is running (I'M-AN:anarchist/else) ana att ____I'm an ARTIST--please feed my creditors (I'M-AN:artist/creditors) art mon ang ____I'm apathetic and I don't care (I'M-AP:apathetic) moo pun ____I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me. (I'M-FE:contradict) moo ____I'm feeling homicidal--say ANYTHING (I'M-FE:homicidal ) vio str moo ____I'm from the IRS. The government has spent all your tax money. Could we please have some more? (I'M-FR:irs/some more) pol mon ____I'm going to keep going to these damned cons until I have a one night stand (I'M-GO:going/one night) coe ____I'm GREAT at immaturity--I've been practicing for decades (I'M-GR:immaturity/decades) moo ____I'm having a deja vu experience, just like last time (I'M-HA:like last time) par ____I'm having a mid-week experience (I'M-HA:mid-week) moo ____I'm here, I'm a curmudgeon, I have no sense of rhythm, get used to it! (I'M-HE:curmudgeon/rhythm) sil ____I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...I'm out of bubblegum (I'M-HE:bubblegum) vio med ____I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party. (I'M-IM:immortal/bored) moo fnt sfn ____I'm in a good mood--don't change it (I'M-IN:mood/change) moo ____I'm just looking at your nametag, honest! (I'M-JU:nametag) coe ____I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a phase (I'M-KI:time/space/phase) moo sil ____I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more! (I'M-MA:mad as hell) med moo ____I'm never late--nothing starts without me! (I'M-NE:never late) lat *____I'm not a bad witch--I'm a grumpy witch (I'M-NO:bad/grumpy) pag ____I'm not a FAN--I just read the stuff (I'M-N*A:not a fan) fan ____I'm not a lesbian--this is a career move (I'M-N*A:lesbian/career) coe ____I'm not a mercenary--killing's more of a hobby with me (I'M-N*A:killing/hobby) vio ____I'm not a tease--teases make promises they don't keep. I'm a flirt--I make no promises at all! (I'M-N*A:tease/flirt) coe ____I'm not a utopian--I'd settle for a world where the nice guys finish second last (I'M-N*A:nice guys/second) cyn ____I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals--I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants (I'M-N*A:hate plants) foo att ____I'm not a white male--I'm differently oppressed, ok? (I'M-N*A:differently oppressed) zzz *____I'm not a white male--I'm differently oppressed, ok? (I'M-NO:differently oppressed) zzz ____I'm not bad...I'm just drawn that way (I'M-N*B:bad/drawn) med coe ____I'm not born again--my mother got it right the first time! [picture of goddess] (I'M-N*B:mother/right) pag att ____I'm not breaking the rules--I'm just testing their elasticity (I'M-N*B:rules/elasticity) moo ____I'm not doing this JUST be weird (I'M-N*D:just/weird) wei ____I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'M NOT GOING (I'M-N*E:not expendable) med ____I'm not God, I'm your GM. Consider me your angel of Murphy. (I'M-NO:gm/angel/murphy) fny pun ____I'm not imaginary--I'm ontologically challenged (I'M-N*I:ontologically) rea sil ____I'm not irresponsible--I'm out of control (I'M-N*I:irresponsible/control) moo ____I'm not just out of the closet--I'm in the living room withmy feet up (I'M-N*J:closet/living room) coe *____I'm not just out of the closet--I'm in the living room withmy feet up (I'M-NO:closet/living room) coe ____I'm not loafing--I work so fast I'm always finished (I'M-N*L:not loafing) wor att lat ____I'm not lost--I'm directionally challenged (I'M-N*L:directionally) zzz ____I'm not on drugs--I AM drugs (I'M-N*O:on drugs) drg att ____I'm not panicking. I'm watching you panic. It's much more entertaining. (I'M-N*P:panicking/entertaining) att moo ____I'm not politically incorrect--I'm politically challenged (I'M-N*P:incorrect/challenged) zzz ____I'm not selling out--I'm buying in (I'M-N*S:selling/buying) att mon ____I'm not shy--I'm studying my prey (I'M-N*S:studying/prey) moo coe ____I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not gophering (I'M-N*S:not gophering) fan ____I'm not tense, just terribly alert (I'M-N*T:tense/alert) moo *____I'm not too weird--you're too normal (I'M-N*T:too weird) wei ____I'm not unemployed--I'm looking for the perfect job (I'M-N*U:not unemployed) wor ____I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it--just the thousands out there marked "occupant" (I'M-N*W:bullet/occupant) vio ____I'm omnipotent--ask me how (I'M-OM:omnipotent/ask) sil ____I'm only a hypnotist, so this is only a suggestion (I'M-ON:hypnotist) zzz ____I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? (I'M-OU:bed/dressed) mor moo ____I'm pagan too! [on pentacle] (I'M-PA:pagan too) pag ____I'm pink, therefore I'm spam (I'M-PI:pink/spam) pun ____I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States, but I could be twice as proud for half the money (I'M-PR:proud/twice) pol ____I'm ready to leap NOW! (I'M-RE:leap/now) med ____I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bastard (I'M-SE:self-employed/bastard) wor att ____I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bitch (I'M-SE:self-employed/bitch) bit wor att *____I'm so bored I may have to resort to doing some work (I'M-SO:bored/work) wor moo ____I'm so cool I can hardly bear to gaze upon my wonderful contenance in the morning, but it does get easier with age and wisdom (I'M-SO:gaze/countenance) att ____I'm sorry, but a unicorn doesn't work like a mule (I'M-SO:unicorn/mule) moo ____I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and dial again. (I'M-SO:dialed/imaginary) mat ____I'm sorry, my IQ's over 80. You wouldn't be interested. (I'M-SO:iq/interested) coe ____I'm sorry, my karma ran over your dogma (I'M-SO:karma/dogma) pun ____I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't even ask for a refund (I'M-TA:refund) str ang *____I'm the bitch of the universe!! Wanna challenge me!! (I'M-TH:bitch of the universe) bit ____I'm the leader. Which way did they go? (I'M-TH:leader/go) sil ____I'm the most dangerous thing around--white trash with brains (I'M-TH:trash/brains) att ____I'm the silly green duck with an ego the size of Cleveland (I'M-TH:duck/ego) med ____I'm the world's foremost authority on my own opinion (I'M-TH:authority/opinion) moo *____I'm tired of voting Demopublican--I'm going to vote Republicrat for a change (I'M-TI:demopublican) pol cyn ____I'm warning you--if you kill me, they'll just send 008 (I'M-WA:008) med vio ____I'm your No. 1 fan. You're lucky I found you. (I'M-YO:no. 1 fan) med sic ____Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality (IMAG:war/reality) rea ____Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant (IMMA:immanual/pun) pun ____Imminent death of the Net predicted--GIFs at 11 (IMMI:death/gifs) cpz ____Immoral Minority charter member (IMMO:immoral minority) coe pol ____Impartial Moderator or Tyrannical Despot--only historians will know for sure (IMPA:moderator/despot) zzz ____Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the talented and underpaid to fulfill promises made by the rich and ignorant (IMPL:talented/underpaid) cpa wor ang ____Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror (IMPL:boredom/terror) cpa ____The important things are always simple. Simple things are always hard. (IMPO:simple/hard) uni ____The impossible we do immediately. Miracles require 24 hours notice. (IMPO:24 hours) wor att ____In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take. (IN-AM:president/risks) pol !____In case of fire, do not use elevators. Water works better. (IN-CA:elevators/water) sil *____In lieu of true love, I'm looking for cheap dates (IN-LI:truelove/cheap dates) coe ____In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: "Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it. (IN-MY:enemies ridiculous) att ____In nature, there are no rewards or punishments, only consequences (IN-NA:only consequences) uni &____In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, I get rewarded for good behavior with more work. (IN-PR:behavior/work) wor ____In science, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, as long as you're not stupid. In business, it doesn't matter if you're stupid, so long as you're not wrong. (IN-SC:science/business) sci cyn *____In space, no one can hear you play air guitar (IN-SP:space/air guitar) sil ____In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman memorabilia will be activated (IN-TE:Joker poison) med sic ____In the beginning there was nothing, and God said "Let there be light." And there was still nothing, but you could see it. (IN-TH:nothing/see) sil ____In the beginning was the word, but when the second word was added, there was trouble, for with it came syntax (IN-TH:trouble/syntax) com ____In this world, it rains on the Just and the Unjust, but the Unjust have the Just's umbrella (IN-TH:just/unjust) cyn ____In this world, you have to be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. I spent years being smart. I recommend pleasant. (IN-TH:smart/pleasant) adv ____In your heart you know it's flat! (IN-YO:heart/flat) sil &____Include this in your CONFIG.SYS file: BUGS = OFF (INCL:bugs=off) cpb ____Incoming fire has the right of way (INCO:fire/right) mil ____Incompetence is better than no competence at all (INCO:incompetence) sil ____Incorrigible Proofreader (INCO:proofreader) wri ____Incorrigible Punster--do not incorrige (INCO:incorrigible punster) pun ____Incorrigible Romantic (INCO:incorrigible romantic) moo ____Indecision is the basis of flexibility (INDE:indecision/flesibility) uni moo ____Indulgences are Papal, too (INDU:indulgences/papal) pun rel !____Inertia Breeds Mediocrity (INER:breeds mediocrity) cpj ____Infinity is where you transfer from one parallel line to another (INFI:transfer/parallel) mat sil *____Information Highway Roadkill (INFO:highway roadkill) cpz *____Information Superhighway? Looks more like a Supercollider to me (INFO:highway/collider) cpz ____Information Vampire--giving a whole new meaning to the word BYTE (INFO:vampire/byte) com ____Innocent^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H-------- and Horny [picture of unicorn] (INNO:innocent/horny) coe ____Insanity is hereditary--you get it from your kids (INSA:insanity/kids) bab ____Insanity--it's not just a plea, it's a way of life (INSA:plea/life) ins ____Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out (INSI:large problem) uni sci mat ____Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out (INSI:large program) cpr ____Instant gratification isn't fast enough (INST:isn't fast) att moo ____Instead of fighting, we should all join hands like ebony and ivory living together on a piano. It's so embarrassing it HAS to work! (INST:piano/embarrassing) zzz ____Instead of using a loom, we've going to wind all the yarn into balls and adopt an infinite number of kittens (INST:infinite kittens) cat ____Instrument of Darwin (INST:darwin) att sci ____Intel: putting the backward into backward compatible (INTE:backward compatible) cpp att ____Intellectual snob and proud of it (INTE:snob/proud) att ____Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac (INTE:aprhodisiac) coe ____Interchangeable parts aren't (INTE:parts aren't) mur ____Interfere? Of course we'll interfere. Always do what you're best at, I say. (INTE:interfere?) med ____Internet is so huge and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life (INTE:huge/pointless) cpz ____Interstellar amity demands that we make some physical contact at this point, but I beg to be excused (INTE:contact/excused) sfn coe ____Invertebrate Punster--Spinelessly unable to resist a pun--So slug me! (INVE:invertebrate punster) pun moo ____Irrationality is the square root of all evil (IRRA:square/evil) mat ____Is it weird in here or is it me? (IS-IT:weird/me) wei ____Is PL/1 Batchrian or dromedary? (IS-PL:dromedary) cpx pun ____Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? (IS-TH:1/2 empty) par ____Is the surface of a planet the right place for a developing technological civilization? (IS-TH:surface of planet) spc sci ____Is the world full of smart people pretending or imbeciles who mean it? (IS-TH:pretending/mean it) ang ____Is there really a difference between whining and complaining about whining? (IS-TH:difference/whining) moo ____Is YOUR religion BATF-approved? (IS-YO:batf-approved) vio pol rel ____Isn't it interesting how your annoying habits are so much more annoying than mine are? (ISN'T:more annoying) att ____Isn't it time to throw some money at MY problem? (ISN'T:myproblem) mon *____Isn't it time to throw some money at MY problem? (ISN'T:myproblem) mon ____It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that certain je ne sais quoi (IT-DO:ain't/quoi) sil ____It gets real lonely as a moderate activist, standing alone with a sign that reads, "Reasonable informed discussion of the issues as soon as feasible" (IT-GR:moderate activist) pol moo *____It is always blackest just before you step on the cat (IT-IS:blackest/step) cat uni ____It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but only if no betting is involved (IT-IS:loved/betting) sil ____It is better to light a flame thrower than to curse the darkness (IT-IS:flame-thrower) wea ____It is better to trip and end up on the floor, than to not trip and end up on the floor for no particular reason (IT-IS:floor/reason) sil ____It is better to write for yourself and not have a public than to write for the public and not have a self (IT-IS:public/self) wri ____It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye if they are lightly greased (IT-IS:camel/greased) sil rel ____It is impossible to solve a problem with the consciousness that created it (IT-IS:solve/consciousness) uni adv ____It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow creatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear to us all--but we should have thought of that before we joined the force (IT-IS:deprived/force) pol ____It isn't a war on drugs--it's a war on people (IT-IS:drugs/people) drg pol ____It may be a police state, but it's OUR police state (IT-MA:our police state) pol cyn ang ____It takes all kinds of people to make a world, but did you ever think the percentages were wrong? (IT-TA:%s wrong) moo ____It was a painful divorce--I lost the games! (IT-WA:divorce/games) fny ____It won't work--I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that, and I'm telling you now! (IT-WA:Orville/Wilbur) sil ____It would be nice if entropy could be used for something constructive (IT-WO:entropy/constructive) sci ____It's a cat thing--you wouldn't understand (IT'S-A:cat thing) cat ____It's a computer thing--I wouldn't understand (IT'S-A:computer/i wouldn't) cpa ____It's a condescending thing, dear--you wouldn't understand (IT'S-A:coudescending/dear) att ____It's a control freak thing--I won't LET you understand (IT'S-A:control freak) sil moo ____It's a damned poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word (IT'S-A:damned poor/spell) lan ____It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear (IT'S-A:milkbone) str ang ____It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials. (IT'S-A:happiness/commercials) med ____It's a human thing, you wouldn't understand (ITS-A:human thing) att ____It's a patronizing thing--you wouldn't understand (IT'S-A:patronizing) att ____It's a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it (IT'S-A:world/paint) sil ____It's always darkest just before you step on the cat (IT-IS:blackest/step) cat uni ____It's amazing how long it takes to finish something you're not working on (IT'S-A:not working) lat wor uni ____It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired (IT'S-A:mature/tired) uni ____It's an Elder Thing--you wouldn't understand (IT'S-A:elder thing) cth pun ____It's been lovely, but I have to scream now (IT'S-B:lovely/scream) str ang ____It's chaos pure and simple [with detail of Mandelbrot set] (IT'S-C:chaos/simple) mat com !____It's fairly easy to write a program that conforms to spec. It's almost impossible to write a spec that conforms to what you want. (IT'S-F:spec/conforms) cpr ____It's hard to be one of the thousand points of light when you can't pay your electric bill (IT'S-H:hard/electric) cyn mon ang ____It's hard to predict the future when they keep changing the past (IT'S-H:changing past) uni moo ins ____It's hard to seize the day when first you've got to grapple with the morning (IT'S-H:seize/grapple) mor ____It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution (IT'S-H:result/evolution) att ____It's important to keep an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out (IT'S-I:brains fall) adv ____It's just AFOG [Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth] (IT'S-J:afog) ang ____It's like brother Nietzsche said--being human is a complicated gig, so give that dark night of the soul a hug and howl the eternal yes (IT'S-L:nietzsche/hug) adv ____It's never too late to have a happy childhood (IT'S-N:happy childhood) uni *____It's not a bald spot--it's a solar panel for a sex machine (IT'S-N:bald/solar) coe ____It's not a bug--it's an undocumented feature (IT'S-N:bug/feature) cpb cyn ____It's not a bug, it's not a feature, it's an ENHANCEMENT (IT'S-N:bug/enhancement) cpb ____It's not a dungeon--it's a fortified underground defense installation (IT'S-N:dungeon/installation) fny ____It's not cute being this easy (IT'S-N:cute/easy) coe ____It's not easy being a cast iron bitch. It takes years of practice. Most people don't appreciate that. (IT'S-N:cast iron bitch) bit med ____It's not easy being this cute (IT'S-N:easy/cute) bab att ____It's not my FAULT (IT'S-N:fault) med ____It's not pinging. It's passed on. This program is no more. It's expired and gone to meet its make-r. This is a late program. It's a stiff... *This is an X program.* (IT'S-N:x program) cpr *____It's not procrastination--it's the incredible Just-in-Time Workload Management System! (IT'S-N:workload management) lat wor *____It's not sugar--it's low-grain cereal (IT'S-N:low-grain) foo ____It's not that I don't believe in the system--I don't believe that there IS a system (IT'S-N:believe/system) dis ____It's not that simple [the initial letter is heavily ornamented] (IT'S-N:not/simple) uni ____It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money (IT'S-N:principle/money) mon ____It's not the years--it's the mileage (IT'S-N:years/mileage) med ____It's not who wins or loses, it's who keeps score (IT'S-N:keeps score) cyn dis ____It's OK to do the right thing, as long as you don't get caught (IT'S-O:right thing/caught) com cyn adv *____It's ok to laugh during sex--just don't point (IT'S-O:sex/point) coe ____It's possible to use karate against a swarm of plankton--but it won't help (IT'S-P:karate/plankton) adv vio ____It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry [with picture of penguin] (IT'S-P:penguin/angry) uni !____It's really the cat's house--we just pay the mortgage (IT'S-R:cat's house/mortgage) cat *____It's simple--you're seen what food processors do to food,right? (IT'S-S:simple/processors) com *____It's tough being an alarm clock--you work weird hours and people hate you (IT'S-T:clock/hate) mor ____It's you and me against the world. When do we attack? (IT'S-Y:against the world) vio ____I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force. (I'VE-B:chocolate side) foo med ____I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life--I'm pleased to say I've won (I'VE-B:wrestling/reality) rea ____I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand (I'V-E:enjoyed/stand) moo ____I've found the missing link between animals and humans. It's us. (I'VE-F:animals/humans) cyn ____I've got nothing to say--don't make me say it twice (I'V-G:nothing/twice) par moo att ____I've had fun before. This isn't it. (I'VE-H:fun before) moo ____I've had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility (I'VE-H:arrogance/humility) att ____I've made such a terrible mess of things...and all I wanted to do was rule the universe (I'VE-M:mess/universe) sil med ____I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it (I'VE-O:one nerve) str moo ____I've read so much about the dangers of sex, smoking, and drinking that I've given up reading (I'VE-R:dangers/reading) cyn drg smo coe ____I've suffered enough--when does my art improve? (I'VE-S:suffered/improve) art ____I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn! (I'VE-S:art/your turn) art att sil ang ____Jailing someone to keep them from ruining their life with drugs is like burning a village to save it (JAIL:drugs/village) drg pol ____Jeez if you love Honkus (JEEZ:honkus) sil !____Jesus is coming--if He's late, your second savior is free (JESU:second savior) sil ____Jobs don't kill programmers. Programmers kill jobs. (JOBS:programmers kill) cpu wor att ____Join SEA--the Society for the Elimination of Acronyms (JOIN:acronyms) sil ____Judge me by my size, you will? (JUDG:judge/size) med ____Jurassic Park--try not to feed the animals (JURA:try/feed) med ____Jurassic Park--12 species in Amber (JURA:species/amber) med ____Just adding features because 'it won't hurt'--does (JUST:adding/hurt) cpr adv *____Just another possum on the information superhighway (JUST:possum/superhighway) cpz ____Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you (JUST:paranoid/get you) ins ____Just doing my bit to lower property values (JUST:bit/lower) att moo ____Just one nuclear family can ruin your whole life (JUST:nuclear family/ruin) bab ang *____Just one nuclear family can ruin your whole life (JUST:nuclear family/ruin) bab ang ____Just say know (JUST:say know) adv ____Just Say Whoa--Stop suicidal cavalry charges--Remember the 600 (JUST:say whoa) pun ____Just think--how would Bugs Bunny have handled this? (JUST:bugs bunny) med adv ____Just think of it as a live role-playing game (JUST:live role-playing) fny adv ____Kamikaze Chemist (KAMI:Kamikaze) sci ____Kamikaze Paranomasiac each pun a killer (KAMI:pun/killer) pun ____Keeping freedom safe from democracy (KEEP:freedom/democracy) pol &____Keyboard not found....Think F1 to continue (KEYB:think f1) com ____Kick ass now, take names later (KICK:ass/names) vio ____Kill the DM...no, SLOWLY kill the DM (KILL:slowly/dm) fny ____Kill them all--let God sort them out (KILL:kill them all) vio ____Killing never solves anything, but it keeps people out of your hair while you think of what to do next (KILL:solves/next) vio ____Kirk & Spock '92 (KIRK:spock/92) med pol ____Kirk & Spock '96 (KIRK:spock/96) med pol ____Kiss me--I'm not Irish, but don't let that stop you (KISS:not irish) coe ____Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either (KNOW:knowing Murphy's) mur ang ____K/S The Human/Vulcan adventure is just beginning (K/S-T:adventure/beginning) med ____Kzinti Diplomatic Corps Let's do lunch (KZIN:kzinti/lunch) sfn vio ____The lab called--your brain is ready (LAB:brain/ready) att sil ____Ladies' Sewing Circle & Terrorist Society (LADI:sewing circle) zzz ____The last fan on earth sat alone in a room. There was a loc on the door. (LAST:fan/loc) fan ____The last man on Earth sat alone in his room. There was a knock on the door. The alien said, "Ten minutes to showtime." (LAST:knock/showtime) sfn ____Laugh it up, fuzzball (LAUG:fuzzball) med ____Lawful game master--and I pick the laws (LAWF:pick laws) fny ____Laws are made to be broken (LAWS:laws/broken) uni ____Laws expand in proportion to the resources available for their enforcement (LAWS:expands/enforcement) pol cyn ____Lead me not into temptation--I can find it for myself (LEAD:temptation/myself) moo rel ____League of Bloodthirsty Women (LEAG:bloodthirsty) coe ____League of Bloodthirsty Women--Men's Auxilliary (LEAG:bloodthirsty/men's) coe ____Learn to put the toilet seat down--it makes you look like a warm, sensitive, caring human being (LEAR:toilet/down) coe cyn ____Learning French is trivial--the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way (LEAR:french/trivial) lan sil ____Lefties are better lovers (LEFT:lefties/lovers) lef ____The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results (LESS:bother/results) wor str ____Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the laws! (LET:O2 supply) sfn att ____L'etat c'est Moe All the world's a stooge (L'ETA:c'est Moe) pun med ____Lethargy in motion (LETH:lethargy/motion) moo ____Let's get some chaos into this confusion (LET'S:chaos/confusion) moo ____Let's leave religion to the televangelists. After all, they're the professionals. (LET'S:religion/professionals) rel cyn ____Let's split up--we can do more damage that way (LET'S:more damage) vio med *____Liberal Arts Graduate--Will think for food (LIBE:think/food) wor ____A liberal is someone who will let you do anything so long as they're paid to help you do it (LIBE:paid/help) pol cyn !____LIFE (LIFE:) zzz ____Life--a sexually transmitted disease that afflicts some people more than others (LIFE:disease/afflicts) uni ang ____Life always sucks--some days it just bothers you more than others (LIFE:sucks/more) ang ____Life--an invariably fatal condition spread by sexual contact (LIFE:spread/sexual) uni ____Life...don't talk to me about life (LIFE:don't talk) med ang ____Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire? (LIFE:art/satire) str art cyn ang ____Life is a holiday in the same way that glass is a liquid (LIFE:holiday/glass) ang ____Life is complex--it's partly real and partly imaginary (LIFE:complex/partly real) mat pun uni ____Life is just one large conspiracy to drive me to chocolate (LIFE:conspiracy/chocolate) foo ____Life is much too complicated in the morning (LIFE:life/morning) mor ang ____Life is too short, but if you do it fast enough, you can live it one and a half times (LIFE:fast/1.5) sil ____Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. (LIFE:life/dessert) foo ____Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much (LIFE:life/cheat) cyn str ang &____Life needs pulldown menus and an undo function (LIFE:menus/undo) com ang *____Life? Of course I have a life. It's a life filled with books. (LIFE:filled/books)boo *____Life should consist of at least fifty percent pure waste oftime and the rest in doing what you please (LIFE:pure waste/please) adv ____The life that can never^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H/// ///// must be (LIFE:never/must) med ____Life would not be easier if we could get AT the source code (LIFE:get at/source) com ____Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code (LIFE:look/source code) com &____LIFE.DOC not included--booting WINGIT.SYS (LIFE:wingit.sys) com ____Life's a beach, and then you dry (LIFE:beach/dry) pun ____Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat (LIFE:bitch/heat) str ____Life's a bitch--and then you die (LIFE:bitch/die) ang ____Life's a bitch, but I like my life (LIFE:bitch/like) bit moo ____Life's a bitch, but the puppies are cute (LIFE:bitch/puppies) uni ____Life's a bitch--now so am I (LIFE:bitch/now) bit med ____Life's a witch, and then you fly (LIFE:witch/fly) pag pun ____Light a candle, curse the glare (LIGH:candle/glare) cyn ang ____The light at the end of the tunnel may be a NO EXIT sign (LIGH:tunnel/no exit) cyn ____The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon (LIGH:tunnel/dragon) fnt ang ____Light Sabers--a part of living (LIGH:sabers/living) med pun ____Lightning is one hell of a murder weapon--and the best part is, it can't be traced (LIGH:traced) vio ____lim (3->4) {3 = 2 (LIM:square root) mat ____Limit congress members to two terms--one in congress, one in jail (LIMI:congress/jail) pol ____The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep (LION:lamb/sleep) cyn rel ____LISP is a recursive language--first you curse, then you recurse (LISP:recurse) cpx ____LISP is like a finely choreographed ballet. Ada is like a waltz of drugged elephants. C is like a sword-dance on a freshly waxed floor. (LISP:drugged/waxed) cpx ____The little engine that philosophized I think I am! I think I am! (LITT:engine/philosophized) sil ____The little engineer that could (LITT:little engineer) sci ____Live Lent in the fast lane (LIVE:live Lent) rel pun ____Live long and prosper (LIVE:live prosper) med ____Live long and prosper. It's logical. (LIVE:prosper/logical) med ____Live now--procrastinate tomorrow! (LIVE:procrastinate tomorrow) adv ____Live Wild or Die! (LIVE:wild/die) zzz moo ____Living saint--please tempt (LIVI:saint/tempt) coe ____Lizard Invasion Newts at eleven (LIZA:newts) pun sil med ____Logic designers don't have orgasms--they have nandgasms with inverted gates (LOGI:nandgasms) com ____Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end (LOGI:wisdom/end) med ____Looking for backrub victim (LOOK:backrub victim) bac ____Lotteries--you have to play to lose (LOTT:play/lose) cyn mon ____Love--it's not just a good idea--it's the Law (LOVE:idea/law) uni ____Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver" (LOVE:love/cleaver) vio sil ____Love to eat them disk files, Disk files what I love to eat. Byte they little headers off, Nybble on they tiny feet. (LOVE:tiny feet) cpu ____Lt. Commander Data--your plastic pal who's fun to be with (LT.-C:plastic pal) med ____The lunatic fringe begins here (LUNA:fringe) ins *____MacIntosh Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs (MACI:always crashes) cpp *____MAGIC the Addiction (MAGI:addiction) mag ____Magic Users have crystal balls (MAGI:crystal balls) fny coe !____Magic Widow [forbid symbol over card] (MAGI:widow) mag ____Main CPU down, batch process only. One person at a time, please. (MAIN:batch only) com str ____Make it so (MAKE:it so) med ____Make love, not war--but be prepared for both (MAKE:love/both) adv ____Make my day--try to pick up someone else (MAKE:make/pick up) coe ____Managing programmers is like herding cats (MANA:herding cats) com cat ____Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler (MAKE:no simpler) adv ____Manual? We've just been pushing buttons until it works (MANU:buttons/works) cpd ____Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view (MANY:truths/view) med uni ____The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the territory and put it in your glove compartment (MAP:glove compartment) par sil ____Marching to a different kettle of fish (MARC:marching/fish) wei ____Martyrdom is the oldest way of achieving fame without ability (MART:fame/ability) cyn rel ____Marvelous! You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation! (MARV:marvelous/kill) med vio ____Marx is a dead white male (MARX:dead white) coe pol ____The mass of mankind was not born with saddles on their backs, nor a favored few booted and spurred, ready to ride them legitimately, by the grace of God (MASS:saddles/spurred) ana ____Master of Pun Fu (MAST:pun fu) pun ____Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into theorems (MATH:coffee/theorems) mat *____May the best man's pronoun win, even if he's a radicallesbian separatist (MAY-T:man's pronoun) lan !____May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep (MAY-T:galactic kitten) cat ____Maybe I don't FEEL like smiling (MAYB:don't/smiling) ang ____Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better (MAYB:evil/better) str vio sfn sil ang ____Maybe the meek will inherit the earth, but if they do, they'll be inheriting it from me (MAYB:inheriting/me) att *____McBorg's--over 60 billion assimilated (MCBO:60 billion) med ____Me not responsible. Me just pawn in game of life (ME-N:irresponsible/pawn) med moo ____Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup (MEDD:dragons/crunchy) fnt adv ____The meek are getting ready (MEEK:ready) sic ____The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who get promoted (MEEK:grumpy) wor cyn ____The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars (MEEK:meek/stars) spc sci ____Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge (MEEK:patience/revenge) cyn ____MENSCH Man Entitled to Nights of Sensuously Complete Happiness (MENS:sensuously) coe !____Mentioning the bogus science in Star Trek will derail any conversation--entirely too many fish in that barrel (MENT:trek/fish) med ____Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence (MERC:ravages of intelligence) moo med ____Mercy is a great virtue, but that doesn't mean you should pay full price for a late pizza (MERC:mercy/pizza) cyn ____Metal is for wearing. Flesh is for changing. You wouldn't understand, it's a cyborg thing. (META:wearing/changing) att sfn ____Metaphysics 5 cents--the philosopher IS (META:philosopher is) sil ____The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation (META:meta-turing) com ____Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Mother (MIDD:ninja mother) bab ____Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores (MIGR:tropism/bookstores) boo moo ____Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties (MIGR:tropism/parties) moo ____Militant Agnostic--I don't know and you don't either! (MILI:militant agnostic) rel att ____Militant Idealist--things will get better, or else (MILI:idealist/better) sil ____A mind is a terrible thing to taste (MIND:mind/taste) sil ____A mind is a terrible thing--it must be stopped before it kills again (MIND:thing/kills) sil ____A mind is a wonderful thing to waste (MIND:mind/waste) drg ____The mind is the final battlefield. The stuff in between is just noise. (MIND:battlefield/noise) uni vio ____Misanthropology: the study of why people are so stupid and why most of them should die, SOON! (MISA:study/stupid) moo ____Mobile Non-Smoking Area (MOBI:mobile/area) smo ____Mobile Smoking area (MOBI:smoking) smo *____A modern US navy cruiser requires 26 tons of manuals. Thisis enough to affect the vessel's performance. (MODE:26 tons) mil ____*Modified Rapture* (MODI:rapture) moo ____The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me (MOME:could outgrabe) art att sil ____Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves (MONE:money/nerves) mon ____Money is it's own reward (MONE:money/reward) mon ____Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate relationship (MOOD:love/hate) bit coe ____More hit points than you can possibly imagine (MORE:more hit points) fny att ____Moriarty killed a clone--Holmes lives (MORI:Holmes) art &____Morning begins when you get out of bed, and ends once you wake up (MORN:begins/wake up) mor ____A morning without coffee is like something without something else (MORN:without something) mor moo ____Mornings have no mercy [picture of sun coming in the window with a gun] (MORN:no mercy) mor ____Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility (MORR:fertility) art pag ____The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map (MOST:combat/map) mil mur ____The most important question about governments is how they can be kept from going berserk and killing off half the population? (MOST:governments/berzerk) pol *____Most people with cats know they're being controlled...that's the horror of it (MOST:controlled/horror) cat ____The most rabid literary purist (MOST:rabid/purist) lan ____Mostly Harmless (MOST:mostly harmless) med *____Mr. Data, precisely what did you mean when you said, "Oh, boy"? (MR-D:data/oh boy) med ____Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative (MR-F:fusion/representative) med ____Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock (MR-W:Wesley/airlock) med *____MS-DOS didn't get as bad as it is overnight--it took tenyears of careful development (MS-DO:bad/careful) cpp ____MS-DOS--Just say no (MS-D:just say no) cpp ____The MS-DOS way: If it's broke, fix it. The Unix way: If it ain't broke, don't touch it. Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke. (MS-DO:motto/broke) com mur ____Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're too smart to go on a battlefield (MULE:mules and donkeys) mil cyn ____MUMPS! The 3 1/2 generation language! Everything is a string! All data is accessed locally! Use code as data as code as data... (MUMP:3 1/2/generation) cpx ____Murphy was an optimist! (MURP:Murphy/optimist) mur ____Murphy's Law is recursive--washing your car to make it rain doesn't work either (MURP:recursive) mur ____Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it (MURP:Murphy/demonstrate) mur ____A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes--now it's Miller time (MUSH:miller time) vio drg sic ____Mutate now--avoid the rush (MUTA:mutate/rush) sfn ____My art belongs to Dada (MY-AR:art/dada) art ____My back is computerized--it has a floppy disk (MY-BA:back/floppy) cpu ____My body, my choice--legalize drugs (MY-BO:choice/drugs) drg pol ____My brain is the most important thing about me, but look what told me that (MY-BR:brain/have) zzz dis !____My cat's been cashing my reality checks again (MY-CA:cat/cashing) cat rea sil ____My child is a horror student at Miskatonic University (MY-CH:horror student) cth ____My commitment is to truth, not consistency (MY-CO:truth/consistency) moo ____My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests in the world and all the people I don't like are forced to build me a castle in France (MY-GR:great dream) att ____My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win (MY-GR:fear/candidates) pol ang *____My house is dog-broken (MY-HO:dog-broken) zzz ____My ideas are beyond the comprehension of ordinary mortals. The brilliance of my mind is dazzling. Even I am impressed by it. (MY-ID:brilliance/dazzling) att *____My inner child can beat up your inner child (MY-IN:yourinner) sil att ____My life is based on a true story (MY-LI:life/story) moo wei *____My life is like juggling Fauberge eggs in variable gravity (MY-LI:fauberge/variable) str ____My life is not organized around high probability events (MY-LI:high probability) wei ____My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring (MY-LI:strange/boring) moo ____My life's really not so awful--it just seems that way when I'm awake (MY-LI:awful/awake) ang ____My loyalties are divided between health food and high cholesterol swill (MY-LO:loyalties/swill) foo ____My mind is a deadly weapon--but don't worry, it's peace-bonded for the weekend (MY-MI:mind/peace-bonded) fan ____My mind is made up--don't confuse me with facts (MY-MI:mind/facts) att ____My mind isn't ALWAYS in the gutter--sometimes it comes out to feed (MY-MI:mind/feed) coe ____My monitor is so small that every time I open a file, I break a window (MY-MO:file/window) cpu *____My next husband will be normal (MY-NE:husband/normal) coe ____My opinion is uncluttered by facts (MY-OP:opinion/facts) att ____My other car is a broom (MY-OT:car/broom) pag ____My other cat is a Jaguar (MY-OT:cat/jaguar) cat pun !____My other husband is normal (MY-OT:husband/normal) coe !____My other wife is normal (MY-OT:wife/normal) coe ____My .sig can't come out today. It has a virus. (MY-SI:.sig/virus) cpz ____My species domesticated your species [picture of cat's face] (MY-SP:domesticated/species) cat ____My strength is as the strength of ten because my code is pure (MY-ST:strength/code) cpr ____My superiority complex is better than your superiority complex (MY-SU:complex/better) att ____My whole life is a movie--it's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it--my life needs editing. (MY-WH:life/editing) moo med ____Nasty, Brutish, and Short (NAST:nasty, brutish) moo ____National Lampoon Staff Anthropologist at large (NATI:anthropologist) zzz ____National Psychic Society You KNOW where the meetings are (NATI:psychic/meetings) sil ____Nature knows no politics, but nature always votes (NATU:always votes) uni ____Naugahyde is murder (NAUG:Naugahyde) sil ____A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind (NEAT:neat desk) wor ins ____The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many. [written in Yin/Yang symbol] (NEED:one/many) med uni *____Nerd Pride (NERD:nerd pride) att *____Nerd Pride: Why DO they think that "walking encyclopedia" is an insult? (NERD:walking encyclopedia) att ____Neutral Greedy (NEUT:neutral greedy) fny *____The net is like real life, only much, much faster (NET-I:much faster) cpz *____Network management is like nailing jello to a wall (NETW:nailing jello) cpz ____Never argue with a Scorpio--even if you win, you lose (NEV*A:scorpio/win/lose) zzz ____Never argue with a Scorpio--it's frustrating and you'll lose anyway (NEV*A:scorpio/frustrating) zzz ____Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut (NEV*A:ask barber) adv cyn ____Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity (NEV*A:malice/stupidity) cyn ____Never confuse endurance with hospitality (NEV*C:endurance/hospitality) adv *____Never criticize a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then if he didn't like what you've said, he's a mile away and barefoot. (NEVE:criticize/barefoot) adv ____Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at all (NEV*D:twice/at all) adv ____Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you (NEV*D:fire/irritates) mil ____Never, EVER, throw a fireball in a closed room (NEV*E:fireball/closed) fny ____Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder (NEV*F:weapon/bidder) mil mur *____Never judge a man by the size of his deck.....Magic the Blathering (NEVE:judge/blathering) mag ____Never learn to type. If you do, someone will ask you to do it. (NEV*L:learn/ask) wor ____Never let any mechanical device know you're in a hurry (NEV*L:mechanical/hurry) adv ____Never let your schooling interfere with your education (NEV*L:schooling/education) sch adv ____Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and wonderful (NEV*M:complex/wonderful) adv lat ____Never offend with style when you can offend with substance (NEV*O:offend/style) att ____Never play leapfrog with a unicorn (NEV*P:leapfrog/unicorn) sic fnt ____Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow (NEV*P:day after tomorrow) lat adv ____Never share your foxhole with someone braver than you are (NEV*S:foxhole/braver) mil adv mur ____Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep (NEV*S:stand/sit) adv mil ____Never tell me the odds--numbers confuse me (NEV*T:odds/numbers) med ____Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle (NEV*T:error/handle) cpb cyn mur ____Never trust a smiling game master (NEV*T:smiling game master) fny ____Never try to out-stubborn a cat (NEV*T:out-stubborn/cat) cat ____Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your time and annoys the pig. (NEV*T:pig/sing) adv ____Never use a tool that's more intelligent than you are (NEV*U:tool/intelligent) adv ____Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth (NEV*V:volunteer/earth) sfn str ang ____Never wear a hat that has more character than you do (NEV*W:hat/character) adv sil ____The New Age is just like the old age--only newer (NEW-A:new age/newer) cyn ____Nice computers don't go down (NICE:nice computers) cpu pun ____Nice computers only go down once a day (NICE:once a day) cpu pun ____The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from (NICE:standards/many) cpa *____Nick Knight Taking a bite out of crime, forever (NICK:bite/forever) med ____Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre (NIET:Nietzsche/Sartre) pun art sil ____Nine hundred years ago, I couldn't spell transcendent parahuman deity, and now I are one (NINE:900/spell) sfn sil ____Nine megs for the secretaries fair, Seven megs for the hackers scarce, Five megs for the grads in smokey lairs, Three megs for system source. One disk to rule them all, One disk to bind them, One disk to hold the files, And in the darkness grind them. (NINE:disk/grind) com ____No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy (NO-BA:plan/enemy) mil mur ____No costume is complete without cat hair (NO-CO:costume/cat hair) cat fan ____No food, no sleep, just THE GAME (NO-FO:the game) fny *____No, I'm not the con chair you're looking for...move along, move along (NO-I'M:con chair/move) fan ____No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid (NO-JO:big/small/stupid) wor str ____No major project is completed on time, within budget, or by the same staff who started it. Yours will not be the first. (NO-MA:not first) wor ang ____No man is an island so long as he is on at least one mailing list (NO-MA:island/list) uni ____No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up (NO-MA:cynical/impossible) cyn uni ang ____No matter where you go, there you are (NO-MA:where/there) med uni ____No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected (NO-MA:vote/elected) ana cyn pol dis ____NO! NO! Don't touch the plot contrivance switch! (NO!-NO:plot contrivance) med sfn *____No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (NO-ON:inferior/consent) uni adv ____No one ever built a statue to a critic (NO-ON:statue/critic) art wri uni ____No one expects the Spammish repetition Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! (NO-ON:Spammish) pun med ____No one is a failure who is enjoying life (NO-ON:enjoying life) uni ____No quarter asked--no change given (NO-QU:quarter/change) pun ____No smoking--Oxygen in use (NO-SM:O2) smo *____No wanna work! Wanna bang on keyboard! (NO-WA:bang/keyboard) cpj str wor ____Nobody can be exactly like me--even I have trouble doing it (NOBO:exactly/trouble) moo ____Nobody can fix the economy Nobody can be trusted with their finger on the button VOTE FOR NOBODY (NOBO:vote for nobody) ana ____Nobody died and made you root@everywhere (NOBO:root@everywhere) cpz ____Nobody steps on a church in MY town! (NOBO:steps/church) med att ____Nobody told you not to be a plumber (NOBO:plumber) adv ____Nobody's life, liberty or property are safe when Congress is in session (NOBO:safe/congress) pol mon ____Nobody's really stupid--they're just running DOS (NOBO:stupid/dos) cpp *____Non-linear, far from equilibrium, and strangely attracted (NON-L:strangely) mat moo coe ____"Not a morning person" doesn't even begin to cover it (NOT-A:morning/cover) mor ____Not only are people weirder than you think, people are weirder than you can think (NOT-O:people/weirder) wei ____Not quite human any longer (NOT-Q:not quite human) moo ____Not tonight, Chekhov, I have an earache (NOT-T:tonight/earache) med ____Nothing can stop me--not even common sense (NOTH:common sense) moo ____Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come (NOTH:mistake/time) uni *____Nothing is evenly distributed (NOTH:evenly) uni ____Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious (NOTH:fools/ingenious) uni ang ____Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason (NOTH:impervious) uni ____Nothing is more dangerous than an idea...if it's the only one you've got (NOTH:idea/only) uni ____Nothing left to do but :-), :-), :-) (NOTH:left to do) cpz ____Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist. (NOTH:shocks/scientist) med sci ____Now calm yourself, ensign, and try to tell remember what button you pushed [picture of upsidedown Enterprise] (NOW-C:ensign/button) med ____Now is NOT a good time to annoy me (NOW-I:time/annoy) str *____Now is the Windows of our disk contents made glorious SimEarth by this son of Zork ---Richard v3.0 (NOW-I:richard v3.0) cpu ____Now that hell has frozen over and Germany has reunited, the only thing that would surprise me would be if Apple and IBM.... (NOW-T:frozen/germany) cpp ____Now you see that Evil will always triumph over Good, because Good is dumb (NOW-Y:triumph/dumb) cyn ____Nuke the world--I want to get off (NUKE:world/off) str ____Nuke 'em from orbit--it's the only way to be sure (NUKE:nuke 'em/orbit) med vio ____Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark (NUKE:nuke 'em/glow) vio ____Nuke the baby seals for Jesus (NUKE:baby seals) sic ____Nuke the Smurfs (NUKE:nuke smurfs) sic ____Nuke the whales (NUKE:nuke whales) sic ____Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder (OBJE:objectivity/beholder) par dis ____The obscure we see immediately, the completely apparent takes longer (OBSC:obscure/apparent) uni ____Obtain one Lamb o' God. Garnish with about 90 vegetables and seal up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Allow them to stew in their own juices for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire. Serves one media circus. (OBTA:lamb o'god) sic pol rel ____Occasional lapses of omniscience are the price I pay for being implementable (OCCA:price/implementable) att sil !____[Odo Kira] [Kira Bareil] [Lwaxana Odo] ---Deep Space Nine....as the station turns (ODO-H:station turns) med ____Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most (OF-AL:miss mind) ins ____Of course he's dead--I killed him. (OF-CO:of course) med ____Of course I can keep secrets--it's the people I tell them to who can't keep them (OF-CO:tell/keep) zzz ____Of course I despise money when I haven't got any. It's the only dignified thing to do. (OF-CO:money/dignified) mon ____Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are. (OF-CO:arrogant/best) att ____Of course, it's only a theory (OF-CO:only theory) med ____Of course my job looks easy--I'm doing it (OF-CO:job/easy) att wor ____Of course it's possible to write good fiction in a world you didn't invent--mainstream writers do it now and then (OF-CO:didn't invent) wri ____Of course, the U.S. Constitution isn't perfect, but it's a lot better than what we have now (OF-CO:constitution/better) pol ____Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon--after a while you'd run out of air to push against (OF-CO:flap arms) spc sci sil ____Oh Boy! (OH-BO:boy) med ____Oh God, I'm so depressed (OH-GO:so depressed) med ang ____Oh, no. Not again. (OH-NO:not again) med ang ____Oh, no, not another learning experience! (OH-NO:learning experience) str ____Oh, please continue with your petty bickering--I find it fascinating (OH-PL:petty bickering) med ____Old age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill (OLD-A:treachery/overcome) cyn uni ____Old Jedi never die--they just fade in and out (OLD-J:jedi/fade) med ____Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup. (OLD-M:old mercenaries) vio ____On the road, Zippy is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a point (ON-TH:pinhead) pun ____Once a program is running, it's obsolete (ONCE:running/obsolete) com ____Once is accident, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action (ONCE:enemy action) vio ____Once upon a time...is now (ONCE:time/now) med ____Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs (ONCE:flat bugs) cpb sil ____Once you've come out as a pagan bisexual married leather dyke, everything else in life is that much easier (ONCE:leather/easier) moo pag coe ____One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth into hysteria (ONE-D:bud of calm) str ____1-800-666-HELL The toll-free number of the Beast (ONE-E:toll-free/beast) sil ____One evil empire down--one to go! (ONE-E:evil empire/go) ana pol ____One half of all marriages end in divorce, the rest in death--I got out alive! (ONE-H:divorce/death) zzz ____186,000 mps--it's not the law, it's just a challenge (ONE-H:law/challenge) sci ____186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW (ONE-H:186,000) sci ____One hundred hairy bugs in the code, one hundred hairy bugs....Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 hairy bugs. Repeat until BUGS = 0 (ONE-H:hairy bugs) cpb str ____One more time....this is your mind. [picture of egg] This is the government on your mind. [picture of stomped egg] Any questions? (ONE-M:stomped egg) pol ____One of the main causes of the decline of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs (ONE-O:zero/c) cpx sil ____One of the symptoms of impending nervous breakdown is the belief that your work is terribly important (ONE-O:breakdown/important) str wor ____One picture had better be worth a thousand words--it takes up more disk space (ONE-P:picture/disk) com ____1.79x10^12 furlongs per fortnight--it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW (ONE-P:furlongs/fortnight) sci sil ____One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits of The Twilight Zone (ONE-S:step beyond) med ____Only a fool expects rational behavior from their fellow human beings. Why do they expect it from a machine that human beings have constructed? (ONL*A:fool/constructed) cpa ____Only borrow from pessimists--they don't expect to be paid back (ONL*B:borrow/pessimists) adv cyn ____Only lefties are in their right minds (ONL*L:lefties/minds) lef ____Only one planet? At least one solar system! (ONL*O:only/at least) spc ____Only the insane have strength enough to prosper: only those that prosper truly judge what is sane (ONL*T:strength/prosper) ins cyn ____The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire (ONL*T:accurate/friendly fire) mil mur ____Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid, and the other one is out to get him (ONL*T:only two) ins ____The only winning move is not to play [with picture of mushroom cloud] (ONL*W:winning move) mil pol ____An onomatopia is a social-political system that just sounds good (ONOM:sounds good) pun pol ____Open up! Mental Health Police (OPEN:up/mental) ins ____Opening night--the night before the play is ready to open (OPEN:play/ready) art lat ____Opposite weirdnesses attract--all weirdness is opposite (OPPO:opposite weirdnesses) wei ____Organization: n. Arrangement in an orderly or logical fashion. See 'miracle'. (ORGA:orderly/miracle) cyn wor ____OS/2 for PS/2--Half an operating system for half a computer (OS/2:half/computer) cpp ____Other people's property comes naturally to me (OTHE:property/naturally) med ____Other sports exist only to keep you occupied until baseball season comes around again (OTHE:occupied/baseball) zzz ____Our civilization has grown past that point of barbarism where it's possible to get anything done (OUR-C:barbarism/done) cyn ____Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions. (OUR-P:fight solutions) uni *____Our three major weapons are "who", "ps -aux", and "kill -9"...and an almost fanatical devotion to "fastboot" (OUR-T:weapons/fastboot) cpy ____Out of body, back in five minutes (OUT-O:out of body) moo ____Out of mind, back in five minutes (OUT-O:mind/back) moo ins ____Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never! (OUTN:outnumbered) mil att ____Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read (OUTS:dog/read) boo sil ____Overload--core meltdown initiated (OVER:meltdown) str ____[picture of gauge past overload] (OVER:gauge) str ____Oy vi! Grody to thEmacs! (OY-V:vi/themacs) cpy pun ____Pagan and Proud (PAGA:pagan/proud) pag ____Pagan Missionary (PAGA:pagan missionary) pag ____Paladins were born to raze Hell (PALA:paladins/raze) fny pun *____Paranoia is the delusion that your enemies are organized (PARA:enemies/organized) ins ____Paranoid schizophrenic outnumber their enemies at least two to one (PARA:paranoid schizophrenics) ins sil ____Party Vegetable (PART:vegetable) moo ____Passing directly from barbarism to decadence (PASS:barbarism/decadence) zzz ____Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life (PASS:hatred/meaning) uni ____Pave the planet One world One people One slab of asphalt (PAVE:planet/asphalt) sil ____Peace through superior firepower (PEAC:peace/firepower) vio ____Peace through superior swordplay (PEAC:peace/swordplay) wea ____Penguin Lust (PENG:penguin lust) med ____People are divided into two groups, the righteous and the unrighteous--and it's the righteous who do the dividing (PEOP:divided/righteous) cyn dis ____People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs (PEOP:leather/fur) cyn ____People are SUPPOSED to be inconvenient. If you're too convenient, you aren't doing your job. (PEOP:inconvenient/job) uni ____People who fight fire with fire generally end up as ashes (PEOP:fire/ashes) adv ____People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on (PEOP:stumble/truth) cyn ____The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4 AM (PERF:lover/pizza) foo ____Permanent Mobile Sabbath--On the Sabbath, it is forbidden to work, even on your character (PERM:mobile Sabbath) rel !____The person with the most fabric...is dead. Where's the estate sale? (PERS:fabric/estate) zzz ____Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity! (PERS:personifiers) sil ____A person's concepts should exceed their vocabulary, or what's a metaphor? (PERS:concepts/metaphor) pun lan ____A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms (PHYS:physicist/atoms) sci *____Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a mucheasier time raising money. (PHYS:physics/religion) sci mon ____Picard/Riker '96 (PICA:riker '96) med pol *____Picard/Riker in '96 Make it so (PICA:'96/make it so) med ____Pick your enemies carefully--they're harder to get rid of than friends (PICK:enemies/rid) adv ____A picture is worth 1024 words (PICT:1024) com ____[picture of a marijuana leaf on a green triangle] (PICT:green triangle) drg pol ____Pigmentally challenged person of gender (PIGN:person/gender) coe sil ____Pipers do it with Amazing Grace (PIPE:amazing grace) art pun ____Pi r^2 Pie are not square Pie are round Cornbread are square (PI-R2:pie/cornbread) mat ____A pile for everything and everything in its pile (PILE:for everthing) adv ____Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets can solve the three-body problem (PLAN:3-body) spc sci sil !____Playing in traffic on the information superhighway (PLAY:traffic/superhighway) cpz ____Please bus your trays--the food that you don't eat today may be the food that eats you tomorrow Campus Crusade for Cthulhu (PLEA:trays/cthulhu) cth ____Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons (PLEA:captain/Klingons) med ____Please do not adjust your mind--reality is malfunctioning (PLEA:adjust/malfunctioning) rea ____Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball (PLEA:laser/eyeball) sci sic ____Please solve your problems in advance so that we can help you better (PLEA:solve/advance) wor att ____PMS? No, I'm always like this. Why do you ask? (PMS-N:always/why) bit moo ____Pobody's Nerfect! (POBO:nerfect) sil ____Poets make better lays (POET:poets/lays) pun wri coe ____Pogo ergo possum (POGO:possum) sil pun ____The police aren't there to create disorder, they're there to preserve disorder (POLI:create disorder) pol dis ____Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder respectable (POLI:language/murder) pol ____Politically correct is a contradiction in terms (POLI:correct/contradiction) pol !____The politically correct are differently clued (POLI:differently clued) lan ____Politicians who support sanctions should have to take in the refugees--it's only fair (POLI:sanctions/refugees) pol ____Politics: formed from the Greek "poly", meaning many and "ticks", meaning small blood-sucking insects (POLI:ticks) pol ____Politics is for the moment. An equation is for eternity. (POLI:equation/eternity) mat ____Politicians are like rats--what they take for themselves is trivial compared to what they destroy to get it (POLI:rats/destroy) pol ____Portions of the preceding were recorded. As for the rest, I quite fear that it was all in your mind. (PORT:recorded/mind) rea med ____Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained (POSS:twisted/sprained) med moo ____Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth (POUN:amoeba/pound) sci sil ____Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. (POWE:corrupts/neat) moo ____Power corrupts--isn't that what it's for? (POWE:what it's for) zzz ____Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty (PRAC:kindness/beauty) adv ____Practice safe government--use kingdoms (PRAC:safe government) mev pun pol ____Pregnancy is hell. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or on drugs (PREG:pregnancy/drugs) bab ____Prepare for the future--read science fiction (PREP:prepare/read) sfn adv ____Press ENTER to go on to the next button (PRES:enter/button) cpp sil ____Pretend to spank me--I'm a pseudo-masochist (PRET:pseudo-masochist) pun coe ____The problem with depending on government is that you can't depend on it (PROB:government/depend) pol cyn ____The problem with the easy way out is that it's already been mined (PROB:easy/mined) mil mur ____The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back (PROB:trouble-shooting) wor ang ____The problem with unwritten laws is that they're so hard to erase (PROB:unwritten) uni ____Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water--it's easier if it's frozen (PROD:specification/frozen) cpa ____Professional Nuisance for Hire--name a target, name a place, I'm there (PROF:nuisance/hire) sil ____Program: a magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages (PROG:magic/messages) cpa *____Programming: The art of debugging an empty text file (PROG:debugging/text) cpr ____Programming is a race between programmers trying to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to create bigger and better idiots (PROG:programs/idiots) cpr ____Progress at best consists of replacing errors with more subtle errors (PROG:progress/errors) mur cyn dis ____Projecting empaths--You gotta feel sorry for them (PROJ:gotta feel) zzz ____Proud member of the cultural elite (PROU:cultural elite) pol ____PS/2--yesterday's hardware today. OS/2--yesterday's software tomorrow. OS/2 Ext.--today's software real soon now (PS2-Y:hardware/software) cpp ____Psychiatrists say that one out of four Americans is mentally ill. Check your three closest friends.... If they seem alright, you're the one! (PSYC:one/four) ins ____Psychedelic drugs cause paranoia, confusion, and total loss of reality in politicians that have never taken them (PSYC:paranoia/politicians) drg *____Psychoamazon Warbitch from Hell with an Attitude (PSYC:warbitch/attitude) bit att ____Pundit (PUND:pundit) pun ____Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel (PURE:drivel/ordinary) uni ____A Purple Heart just shows that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive (PURP:smart/stupid/lucky) mil ____The purpose of art is to hold a mirror up to life. Life obviously needs more sleep. (PURP:mirror/sleep) zzz ____PURR if you love cats (PURR:love cats) cat ____Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something (PURR:purranoia) cat pun ____The pursuit of power is the quest for the unattainable by the unphilosophical though the tactics of the unspeakable (PURS:power/unspeakable) uni ____Put your modem where your mouth is (PUT:modem/mouth) cpz ____Quantum Leap--Fun to watch, difficult to explain (QUAN:difficult/explain) med ____Quantum Leap: places to go, people to be (QUAN:places/people) med ____Quantum Mechanics are chotic (QUAN:quantum mechanics) sci pun ____Quantum Mechanics--the dreams stuff is made of (QUAN:dreams stuff) sci ____Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy (QUAN:predicts past) sci ____Question Authority (QUES:question authority) ana ____Question Authority--ask me anything (QUES:authority/ask) att ____The question is not whether I'm out of my mind, but what am I doing trapped in yours? (QUES:mind/yours) ins ____The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet (RACE:swift/strong) cyn uni ____Raised by humans (RAIS:raised/humans) moo ____Raised by psychopathic werewolves (RAIS:psychopathic werewolves) fnt att ins ____Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party (RAMP:anarchist horde) drg ____Read my LISP--no new syntaxes (READ:lisp/syntaxes) cpx pun ____Reading the net is like trying to drink from a firehose. Posting to the net is like shouting at people as they go past on a roller coaster. Archiving the net is like washing toilet paper. (READ:net/fire hose) cpz ____Real Daleks don't climb stairs--they level the building (REAL:real Daleks) med sil *____Real dragons don't sing opera--just torch songs and scales (REAL:dragons/opera) pun ____A real friend isn't someone you use and throw away. A real friend is someone who you use again and again. (REAL:real friend) cyn ____Real men write self-modifying code (REAL:self-modifying code) cpr ____Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. (REAL:don't document) cpr ____Real programmers like C because it's the only language they can spell (REAL:c/spell) cpy ____The real world is only a special case (REAL:real/case) rea ____Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely. (REAL:reality corrupts) rea ang ____Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with science fiction (REAL:reality/sf) sfn rea ____Reality is just a transfer gate away (REAL:transfer gate) rea sfn ____Reality is not always probable, or even likely (REAL:probable/likely) rea ____Reality is OK...Just don't make a habit of it (REAL:reality/OK) rea ____Reality is something you rise above (REAL:reality/above) rea ____Reality is the leading cause of stress (REAL:cause/stress) str ____Reality is the opiate of the people (REAL:reality/opiate) rea sil ____Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it (REAL:refuses/believing) rea uni ____The reality you have dialed is not in service. Please check the value of pi or consult your local deity. (REAL:pi/deity) rea mat ____Really? What a coincidence--I'm shallow, too! (REAL:shallow) moo sil ____Rebel without a clue (REBE:rebel/clue) moo ____Rebooting your brain can be tricky (REBO:rebooting) com ____Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad for you. (RED-M:fuzzy) foo ____Refusing to live in the real world will substantially reduce the portability of your code (REFU:world/code) cpr ____Relaxed Agnostic--I don't know any answers--I'm not looking very hard, either (RELA:relaxed agnostic) rel moo ____Relaxed Bisexual Agnostic I don't know, I don't care, and maybe I'll sleep with it (RELA:maybe/sleep) coe ____Remember that writer's block is nothing more than a failure of nerve--but don't let that bother you (REME:writer's block) wri ____Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial! (REME:pre-millenial) pol ____Remember, there's more to life than science fiction, but not much (REME:more to life) sfn ____Remember to safeguard your wallets. Hucksters have been seen at the convention. (REME:wallets/hucksters) fan mon ____Renegade Time Lady (RENE:time lady) med ____Renegade Time Lord (RENE:time lord) med ____Repetition is the soul of wit. Repetition is the soul of wit. Repetition... (REPE:wit) zzz ____Resident Vampire (RESI:resident vampire) fan ____Resistance is useless (if less than 1 ) (RESI:resistance) sci ____Revenge is a dish best served microwaved (REVE:revenge/microwaved) med sil ____Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow (REVE:neutron) med ____The revolution will not be a three-part, prestige-format miniseries (REVO:prestige-format) zzz ____Right after I graduate, I'm gonna sit in a tree, cut the soles off my shoes, and learn to play the flute (RIGH:tree/flute) sch ____Right theory, wrong universe (RIGH:theory/universe) rea ____The rings of Saturn are actually composed of lost airline luggage (RING:lost luggage) sil spc ____The road goes ever on and on (ROAD:on and on) fan ____Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads! (ROAD:roads) med ____Robert A. Heinlein memorial service 7:00 PM Barbecue 7:30 PM (no salt necessary) (ROBE:salt) sfn *____Romulan Cloaking Button (ROMU:cloaking) med ____RTFM (RTFM:rtfm) cpd str ____R2D2 is a renegade Dalek (R2D2:renegade dalek) med ____Rule Six: Anyone who thinks rule 6 should be "There is no rule six" must repeat other people's jokes until they get the point (RULE:six) zzz ____Rules? What rules? (RULE:what rules) moo dis ____Running an open marriage is a little like running a business or a political group, but not in a boring way (RUNN:marriage/business) zzz &____A running program is the moment of truth. All else is prophecy or nostalgia. (RUNN:prophecy/nostalgia) com ____rw-rw-rw: The file protection of the beast (RW-RW:file/beast) cpy pun !____Rx: Mosaic--to be used 16 hours daily and as needed to prevent sleep (RX-MO:prevent sleep) cpz ____The same qualities that make me so charming have also made me unemployable (SAME:charming/unemployable) moo wor ____Sanctimonious Non-Smoker on the Rampage [picture of cigarette with forbid symbol] (SANC:non-smoker/rampage) smo ____Sarcasm? What's that? (SARC:what's that?) att ____Save an endangered species--hug a romantic (SAVE:endangered/romantic) coe ____Save the mundanes--we need them for breeding stock! (SAVE:save mundanes) fan att ____Save the nukes (SAVE:save/nukes) sic ____Save the universe--collect all four (SAVE:universe/all four) sil ____Save the werewolves--Help protect an endangering species (SAVE:endangering) fnt sil ____SCCS, the source motel--programs check in and never check out (SCCS:source motel) cpy ____School-free Drug Zone (SCHO:drug zone) drg ____Schrdinger cut the wave equation down to 's (SCHR:schroedinger) sci pun ____Science is true--don't be misled by facts (SCIE:science/facts) sci cyn ____Science seeks to make theories that are so beautiful, elegant, and logical that Nature is flattered and acquiesces (SCIE:theories/acquiesces) sci ____Scottish country dancers are reel people (SCOT:country dancers) art pun ____The secret is to find out what people really want and then call it self-awareness (SECR:self-awareness) cyn ____See what happens when you don't eat your broccoli! (SEE-W:broccoli) pol ____League of Pushy Women--Self-Appointed Chapter Head (SELF:self-appointed) bit att ____Self-defense is like going to the bathroom--it's not pretty, and no one else can do it for you (SELF:bathroom/no one) pol ____Self-sacrifice is always a virtue--in other people (SELF:self-sacrifice) att cyn ____A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago (SEMI:time travel) par sil ____A sentence is a fine thing to put a preposition at the end of (SENT:preposition/end) lan &____Set laser printer to stun (SET-L:printer/stun) sil ____Seppuku button(tm)--to use, fold back pin (SEPP:seppuku) sic ____Serenity through viciousness (SERE:serenity/viciousness) vio moo ____Service with a snarl (SERV:service/snarl) wor ____Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing (SEX-A:rock/role) fny ____Sex and Drugs and Unix (SEX-A:drugs/unix) cpy ____Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman (SEX-B:between/right) coe ____Sex God Teddy Bear (SEX-G:god/bear) coe ____Sex is nobody's business but me and my teddy bear's (SEX-I:teddy bear) coe ____Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved (SEX-I:three people) coe ____Sex is only dirty if it's done right (SEX-I:sex/done right) coe ____Shakespearian logic (SHAK:shakespearian) cpx art ____Share and enjoy (SHAR:share and enjoy) med ____She who dies with the most fabric wins (SHE-W:most fabric) mev ____She who must be obeyed (SHE-W:must/obeyed) bit ____Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push down! Byte! Byte! Byte! (SHIF:shift/byte) com ____The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs to produce (SHOR:particle/costs) sci mon ____The shortest distance between two points has a bridge out (SHOR:points/bridge) cyn ____The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line (SHOR:distance/puns) pun ____Should a government that can't regulate cable tv prices and have it work be handed 14% of the economy? (SHOU:cable/14%) pol *____Should I hand you your ass now, or have it gift-wrapped andsent by limousine? (SHOU:ass/limousine) att *____Shouldn't the cosmic stupidity hopper be empty by now? (SHOU:stupidity hopper) ang ____Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw (SHRE:shredded disaster) pun sil ____Shut up, Wesley! (SHUT:Wesley) med ____Shy, hard of hearing, and near-sighted--please flirt aggressively (SHY-H:near-sighted) coe ____A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a neat desk (SICK:neat desk) wor ____Sick, sick, sick--the humor of the Beast (SICK:humor/beast) pun ____A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mind like a steel trap (SILV:silver/golden) att ____A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least to the end of the blackboard (SINE:sine curve) mat sil *____Single stage to orbit rockets--the way God and Heinleinmeant them to be! DCX (SING:heinlein/dcx) spc ____606 The area code of the Beast (606-A:area code) sil ____669 The Number of the Beastiality (SIX:beastiality) pun coe ____666-6667 The Wrong Number of the Beast (SIX:wrong #) sil ____668--the Neighbor of the Beast (SIX:neighbor/beast) pun sil ____666.....999 The quotation marks of the Beast (SIX:quotation) sil ____666A The Tenant of the Beast (SIX:tenant/beast) sil *____Sleep? (SLEE:sleep?) mor ____Sleep deprivation is fun--you see such pretty colors (SLEE:deprivation/colors) mor ____Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps, but wimps nonetheless (SLEE:wimps) mor ____Sleep is great, but it's no substitute for caffeine (SLEE:great/caffeine) mor ____Slit your wrists--it'll lower your blood pressure (SLIT:wrists/blood) sic ang ____Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you get credit for thinking. (SMIL:frown/thinking) cyn adv ____Smile! Cthulhu loves you! (SMIL:smile/Cthulhu) cth sic ____Smile. Tomorrow will be worse. (SMIL:tomorrow/worse) cyn ____Smurf Exterminator (SMUR:exterminator) med ____Smurfs are baby Gamelons (SMUR:baby gamelons) med *____So many books, so little money (SO-MA:books/money) boo mon ____So many books, so little time (SO-M:many books) boo ____So many galaxies, so little time (SO-M:many galaxies) spc ____So many languages, so little time (SO-M:many languages) lan com !____The software is full of magical things patiently waiting for our staff training to improve (SOFT:patiently/improve) cpj &____Software is like entropy--it's hard to grasp, weights nothing, and is always increasing (SOFT:software/entropy) com ____Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape (SOFT:released/escape) com ____Some folks just aren't cut out to be normal... (SOME:folks/normal) wei moo uni ____Some people are useless on top of the ground--they should be under it, inspiring the cabbages (SOME:inspiring cabbages) vio att *____Some people have a way with words, and some people....um, thingy (SOME:words/thingy) lan ____Some people have children in order to buy toys--I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself (SOME:children/middleman) moo ____Some people live life in the fast lane. I live in oncoming traffic. (SOME:oncoming) str ang ____Some people say life is the thing, but I prefer reading (SOME:life/reading) boo ____Some things are still sacred--I haven't taken them apart yet (SOME:sacred/taken apart) att ____Someday I'm going to take all the red tape and tie up the Establishment for a change (SOME:tie/establishment) ana bur !____Something Wiccan this way comes (SOME:wiccan/comes) pag ____Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination (SOME:figment/imagination) rea moo ____Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then. (SOME:men/women/visit) coe moo ____Sometimes my NOW is later than it should be (SOME:my now) lat *____Sometimes reality has no sense of style (SOME:no sense/style) rea ____Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem (SOME:new problem) adv ____Sometimes the truth can be so unnecessary (SOME:truth/unnecessary) zzz ____Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug (SOME:windshield/bug) ang ____Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering (SOME:somewhere/unicorns) fnt ____Sorry, I don't date outside my gender (SORR:date/gender) coe ____SPCA--we're here to inquire about the health of Dr. Schrodinger's cat (SPCA:inquire/cat) sci ____Speak, friend, and enter. If you don't press enter, nothing happens. (SPEA:friend/enter) cpp fnt ____Speak softly and wear a LOUD shirt (SPEA:loud shirt) zzz ____Speaker to Teletypes (SPEA:speaker/teletypes) com ____Spending a year dead for tax purposes (SPEN:tax purposes) med moo sil ____The squeaky wheel gets the hammer (SQUE:wheel/hammer) moo ____Squint as you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty (SQU:squint/beauty) att ____SSDC--Same Shit, District of Columbia (SSDD:ssdc) pol ____SSDD--Same shit, different dimension (SSDD:dimension) rea ____Standards are just industry's way of codifying obsolescence (STAN:codifying) com cyn ____Star Trek IV--so long, and thanks for all the fish (STAR:STIV) med ____Star Trek is irrelevant. The Borg are irrelevant. Uselessness is futile. You will be assimilated. (STAR:borg/irrelevant) med ____Star Trek V--Shat happens (STAR:shat) med ____State lotteries are a tax rebate for intelligence (STAT:lotteries/rebate) pol ____Stealing from others is called plagiarism. Stealing from yourself is called style. (STEA:plagiarism/style) art ____Stifle is practically the only word which is an anagram of itself (STIF:anagram/itself) lan ____Stop me before I volunteer again...and again...and again... (STOP:volunteer) fan ____Storytellers live to tell the tale (STOR:storytellers) art ____Straight but not narrow (STRA:straight but) coe ____Strange attractors--getting there is half the fun (STRA:attractors/fun) mat ____The street finds its own uses for technology; the net finds its own uses for garbage (STRE:street/net) cpz ____Strong typing is for people with weak minds (STRO:typing/weak) cpz att ____The strongest reason for people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government--Thomas Jefferson (STRO:arms/protect) pol wea *____Stuck on the on-ramp to the information superhighway (STUC:onramp/superhighway) cpz ____Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing (STUD:tuttle/plumbing) med ____Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word (STUP:stupid/word) zzz ____Stupidity got us into this mess--why can't it get us out? (STUP:mess/out) uni *____Submissive in the bedroom, dominant EVERYWHERE else (SUB:dominant/else) coe att ____Sub-space communications--the next best thing to beaming there (SUB-S:beaming) med sfn ____Subvert the dominant paradigm! (SUBV:paradigm) zzz ____Success didn't spoil me--I've always been insufferable (SUCC:insufferable) moo ____Success is achieving the top of the food chain (SUCC:success/top) uni foo ____Suffering from the inhumanity of regular employment (SUFF:inhumanity/employment) ang wor *____Suffering makes you deep. Travel makes you broad. I'd rathertravel. (SUFF:deep/broad) moo *____Sunrise is nature's way of telling you it's bedtime(SUNR:nature/bedtime) mor ____Support free trade--smuggle! (SUPP:free trade) pol ____Support your local medical examiner--die strangely (SUPP:strangely) wei sic ____Support your local thieves' guild--leave your doors unlocked (SUPP:thieves' guild) zzz ____SUSHIDO--The way of the Tuna (SUSH:sushido) pun ____SysAdmins can't be sued for malpractice but surgeons don't have to deal with patients who install new versions of their own innards (SYST:malpractice/innards) cpd ____The system has been overhauled, and all its major weaknesses have been exposed, analysed, and replaced with new weaknesses (SYST:new weaknesses) cpa ____T'ai Chi isn't a martial art--it's a MARTIAN art. Martians move slowly in earth gravity (TAI-C:Martian art) sil wei ____Take me home--furry people need love too (TAKE:furry people) bac ____Take my advice--I'm not using it (TAKE:not using) att ____Talk to the OTHER autocrat! (TALK:other autocrat) mev ____Taste me, taste me--I'm organic (TAST:organic) coe ____Taxation is theft; Conscription is slavery; War is murder (TAXA:theft/murder) pol *____Taxation WITH representation isn't so great either (TAXA:isn't so great) pol ____Teacher from the Black Lagoon (TEAC:black lagoon) sch ____Techno-pagan (TECH:techno-pagan) pag ____Terminator--The few, the proud, the machines (TERM:terminator) med ____Thank you for not breathing while I smoke (THAN:breathing/smoke) smo ____Thank you for not lecturing me about not smoking (THAN:not lecturing) smo ____Thank you for not trying to raise my consciousness (THAN:trying/raise) moo ____Thank you for trying to sell me something I don't want, but I don't have any surplus hostility to vent. Could you please come back at a worse time? (THAN:vent/worse) moo *____Thank you for your gift of sarcasm. I will cherish italways. (THAN:gift/sarcasm) sil ____That may well be so true, but my mind working am not (THAT:well be so) moo ____That was ZEN, this is TAO (THAT:Zen/Tao) pun ____That which does not kill me had better be able to run away damn fast (THAT:damn fast) att ____That which does not kill me makes me smarter (THAT:kill/smarter) zzz ____That which does not kill me makes me smarter, except for oxygen deprivation (THAT:smarter/oxygen) sic ____That which does not kill me makes me stronger. That which does kill me makes me undead. (THAT:stronger/undead) fny ____That which does not kill us powers up our weapons (THAT:powers up) fny att wea sfn *____That's not irrelevant, that's a hypoteneuse....or maybe it's just a fig newton of your imagination (THAT:irrelevent/hypoteneuse) sil ____That's odd. That's very odd. Wouldn't you say that's very odd? (THAT:odd) med ____That's ok--I don't remember my name either (THAT:remember my name) moo *____Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture. (THEA:life/art/furniture) med ____The Theorem Theorem: If if, then then (THEO:if if) par ____The therapist is NOT in (THER:therapist not) str ____There ain't no such thing as a free weekend (THER:free weekend) uni ____There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats. (THE*A:intelligent species) cat ____There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. (THE*A:owned by cats) cat ____There are more ways of killing a cat than buttering it with parsnips (THE*A:cat/parsnips) cat sil ____There are no accidents--only plans other people don't tell you about (THE*A:accidents/plans) mur ____There are no answers, only cross-references (THE*A:answers/cross-references) uni ____There are only 2000 real people in the world--the rest are bad special effects (THE*A:2000 real people) rea ____There are three types of people--those who can count, and those who can't (THE*A:can count) sil !____There are two types of people--I'm not either of them (THER:not either) wei ____There are two types--those who hate the 8086 architecture, and liars (THE*A:hate 8086) cpp ____There are very few personal problems which can't be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. (THE*A:personal/high explosives) vio ____There are very few problems which can't be solved by a suitable application of high explosives (THE*A:few problems) vio ____There are very few problems which can't be solved by ripping a hole in reality (THE*A:ripping) rea ____There can't be a crisis next week--my schedule is already full (THE*C:crisis/schedule) wor str ____There comes a moment in everyone's life, and I've had plenty of them (THE*C:moment/plenty) moo ____There comes a time when nothing's left but style (THE*C:nothing/style) uni ____There is a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence. (THE*I:line/fence) uni ____There is a very fine line between reality and fantasy--and I'd just as soon obscure it (THE*I:fantasy/reality) rea dis ____There is no heaven or hell--only smoking or non-smoking (THE*I:heaven/smoking) smo sil ____There is no point in getting angry, but there is a stupid malignity to all this that does try one's patience (THE*I:stupid malignity) ang ____There is no situation, no matter how miserable, that the police cannot make worse (THE*I:miserable/police) pol ____There is no substitute for good manners--except fast reflexes (THE*I:fast reflexes) vio ____There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck (THE*I:incomprehensible luck) uni ____There is no TRUTH There is no REALITY There is no CONSISTENCY There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong (THE*I:no truth) par ____There is not now and never will be a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs (THE*I:difficult/bad) cpr mur ____There is one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. (THE*I:difference/madman) ins ____There is something fascinating about cosmology. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. (THE*I:trifling) spc ____There isn't much to being a comedian when you have the whole government working for you (THE*I:whole government) pol ____There isn't time enough for love, so what does that leave for hate? (THE*I:love/hate) adv uni ____There must be more fools than knaves in the world, or else the knaves wouldn't have enough to live on (THE*M:fools/knave) uni ____There you go again--thinking you have rights (THE*Y:go/rights) att ____There's a thin woman inside every fat woman...I ate mine (THER:thin/ate) moo ____There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it (THER:typo/slides) wri ____There's always free cheese in a mousetrap (THER:free cheese) uni ____There's always the temptation to let other people think you're normal (THER:other/normal) wei ____There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear playing the clarinet (THER:sun/clarinet) wei ____There's never time to do it right. There's always time to do it over. (THER:right/over) uni ____There's no need to do housework--after four years the dirt doesn't get any worse (THER:housework/dirt) wor *____There's so much comedy on tv--is it causing comedy in the streets? (THER:comedy/streets) med vio ____There's so much unhappiness on television, we don't need more of it in real life (THER:unhappiness/tv) med ____These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread (THES:Wonder Bread) pun ____They aren't broken, they're...uh...modular (THEY:broken/modular) com ____They got the library at Alexandria--they're not getting mine (THEY:library/Alexandria) boo ____They lived in two worlds. They loved in one. (THEY:lived/loved) med ____They say the wages of sin are death, but after they take out taxes, all that's left is a tired feeling (THEY:sin/taxes) mon ____They'll take away my sword when they pry my cold dead fingers off the hilt (THEY:sword/hilt) wea ____Thine is not to reason why, thine is just to figure pi [Vulcan humor] (THIN:figure pi) med ____Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and recorded every day like those of a baseball player. (THIN:counted/recorded) uni ____Things only appear to get lost--they're waiting for you in next week (THIN:lost/next week) uni ____Things will go on as they always have--that is to say, badly (THIN:always/badly) ang ____Think "HONK" if you're a telepath (THIN:think honk) sil ____THINK--If you are already thinking, please disregard this button (THIN:disregard) sil ____Think of it as evolution in action (THIN:evolution) zzz ____This button boldly goes where no button has gone before (THI*B:boldly goes) med ____This button goes to the next person who buys me a drink (THI*B:next/drink) drg ____This button goes to the next person who gives me a hug (THI*B:next/hug) bac ____This button has been brought to you by the language 'C' and the letter 'F' (THI*B:'c'/'f') cpx *____This button has been brought to you by the language C andthe number F (THI*B:language c/number f) cpx ____This button is cursed. As you read you will be confuset by ther printeb wertz. Yer intellijenc wil vabni...xrt! xrt! (THI*B:cursed/vabni) sil ____This button is right side up--the person wearing it has flipped [text is upside down] (THI*B:flipped) sil moo ____This button isn't really very witty and it runs on and on and you'd probably be much happier reading some other button. Most of them aren't half as depressing as this one. Don't say I didn't warn you. (THI*B:isn't witty) ang ____This has been a test of the emergency of the emergency weirdness system (THI*H:emergency weirdness) wei ____This IS a costume. I'm a homicidal maniac--they look just like everyone else. (THI*I:costume/maniac) med sic ____This is a 100% matter product. In the unlikely event that it contacts anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result (THI*I:matter product) sci ____This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT? (THI*I:nightmare) ang ____This is a shareware button. If you have been amused by what you have just read, please give me one dollar. (THI*I:shareware button) com ____This is a test. Had it been an actual attack, the warning system wouldn't have worked. (THI*I:test/attack) cyn ____This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with. (THI*I:ordinary fool) sil !____This is part of the 1000 hours of training (THIS:1000 hours) uni ____This is your brain: UNIX (tm) This is your brain on drugs: MS-DOS Any questions? (THI*I:brain/unix) cpy ____This isn't denial. I'm just very selective about which reality I accept. (THI*I:selective/reality) att rea ____This isn't hell. This is where you get sent when you've been bad in hell. (THI*I:bad in hell) ang ____This isn't reality. This is fantasy. (THI*I:isn't reality) med rea !____This job is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, it would have been followed by pay raises and promotions. (THIS-J:job/test) wor ____This life is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go. You may or may not be issued an actual life later. (THI*L:test/life/later) rea sil ____This mind intentionally left blank (THI*M:mind/blank) moo ____This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings. (THI*M:morning) mor ____This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. (THI*P:natural product) zzz ____This slogan is programming you in ways that may not be apparent for months, or even years. (THI*S:slogan/programming) dis ____This universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. (THI*U:magical/wits) sci spc ____This universe is sold by mass, not by volume. Some expansion may have occurred during shipment. (THI*U:universe/expansion) spc sci ____This universe is sold by weight, not by volume. Some settling may have occurred during shipment. (THI*U:universe/volume) spc sci ____Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do (THOS:know everything) att ____Those who are unable to remember past meetings are condemned to repeat them (THOS:meetings/repeat) wor ____Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music (THOS:those who dance) art uni ____Those who like sausage or political policy shouldn't watch either being made (THOS:sausage/policy) pol cyn ____Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC (THOS:gods/BASIC) cpx ____Thou shalt eat green eggs and ham--obey thy God, I-am-that-I-am (THOU:green eggs) sil rel *____Thou shalt not kill--even if you really want a burger (THOU:not kill/burger) foo ____Thousands of years ago, the Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats have never forgotten this. (THOU:egyptians/cats) cat ____355/113 Not the famous irrational number pi, but an incredible simulation! (THRE:famous irrational) mat ____333 Eric the half a Beast (THRE:half a beast) med sil *____The three most dangerous things are a programmer witha soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas (THRE:soldering iron) cpj *____Thus emailed Zarathustra (THUS:emailed zarathustra) cpz *____Tight centralized controls will lead, at best, to fewer and worse disasters (TIGH:fewer and worse) uni ____Time...do you really believe the past arranges itself for our convenience into those paltry little squares they print on calendars? (TIME:paltry squares) zzz ____Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts (TIME:jelly donuts) med ____Time is just an illusion perpetuated by the manufacturers of space (TIME:illusion/space) zzz ____Time is supposed to keep everything from happening at once...it's not working (TIME:supposed/working) str ____Time Lords say, "Go ahead, make my yesterday" (TIME:make yesterday) med *____Time wounds all heels (TIME:wounds/heels) pun ____A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket (TISK:condom/casket) coe adv ____To baldly go where no man has gone before (TO-B:baldly) med pun ____To be or not to be q{4b^2 (TO-B:4b-squared) mat ____To continue, strike keyboard with forehead.... (TO-B:keyboard/forehead) cpa ____To err is human, but I forgive you (TO-E:err/forgive you) att p____To err is human; to blame it on someone else is politics (TO-E:err/blame) pol *____To err is human. To forgive is not company policy. (TO-ER:forgive/company) wor ____To err is human, to really foul up requires the root password (TO-E:root password) cpy ____To iterate is human, to recurse, divine (TO-I:iterate is human) cpr *____To summarize the summary of a summary: people are a problem (TO-SU:summarize/problem) uni ____To thine own self be cool (TO-T:self/cool) pun ____To you I'm an agnostic. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. (TO-Y:agnostic/opposition) rel ____Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence (TODA:day/sentence) sic ____Together in pride [pink triangle with celtic knotwork] (TOGE:knotwork) coe ____Total strangers need love too--and I'm stranger than most! (TOTA:total strangers) wei ____TPFE* *Tiredest person on the face of the earth (TPFE:tiredest) mor ____Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it--and get a new one every six months (TREA:password/toothbrush) com ____A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense (TREE:tree/self-defense) uni ____Trickle down economics: Giving money to government bureaucrats and hoping that some will trickle down to the people who need help (TRIC:hoping/help) pol cyn mon ____The trouble with being boss is there's no satisfaction is stealing office supplies (TROU:boss/stealing) wor ____The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time (TROU:poor/time) mon ____The trouble with natural monopolies is that it's so much work to keep them going artificially (TROU:natural monopolies) pol ____Trust me (TRUS:trust me) moo ____Trust me--I'm almost a Doctor (TRUS:almost a doctor) sch !____Trust no one. The truth is out there. (TRUS:truth/out there) med ____Truth comes as an enemy only to those who have lost the ability to welcome it as a friend (TRUT:ability/friend) uni ____Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense (TRUT:fiction/sense) wri uni ____Try not to have a good time--this is supposed to be educational (TRY-N:time/educational) sch ____The Turing Tarpit is where everything is possible but nothing interesting is easy (TURI:possible/easy) com ____The twelfth regeneration's a bitch and then you die (TWEL:twelfth regeneration) med ____The two most common things in the universe are dark matter and stupidity REN & STIMPY in '96! (TWO:ren/stimpy/'96) med pol ____2+2=5, for moderately large values of two (TWO-P:2+2) mat ____2+2 now equals 5.15785423. Please recalibrate your equipment accordingly (TWO-P:recalibrate) sci ____2.998x10^10 cm/sec--It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW (TWO-P:cm/sec) sci *____Two ROMs don't make a write (TWO-R:roms/write) cpu ____2 x 4 x 666 The Lumber of the Beast (TWO-T:lumber/beast) pun ____Two wrongs are only the beginning (TWO-W:beginning) cyn ____Two wrongs don't make a right--it usually takes three or more (TWO-W:wrongs/three) sil ____Two's complement. Three's a crowd (TWO'S:complement) cpu ____UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas! (UFO'S:swamp gas) sil ____Ultimate Question Research Team (ULTT:ultimate question) med ____The ultimate smart weapon would be too smart to blow itself up (ULTI:smart weapon) mil ____Under the most carefully controlled conditions of scheduling, programming, and con security, the fen will do what they damn well please (UNDE:conditions/fans) fan ____Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases (UNDE:conditions/organism) sci ____The unfacts, did we have them, are too imprecisely few to warrant our certitude (UNFA:unfacts) dis ____Unfortunately, Albert, God DOES play dice with the universe (UNFO:albert/dice) sci ____Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are! (UNIC:unicorns/virgins) fnt ____The universe does not have laws--it has habits, and habits can be broken (UNIV:universe/habits) uni dis ____UNIX is a very user-friendly system--it's just not promiscuous about which users it's friendly with (UNIX:promiscuous) cpy ____UNIX is not an "a-ha" experience--it's more of a "holy-shit" experience (UNIX:holy shit) cpy ____UNIX is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully (UNIX:phrase/carefully) cpy ____UNIX wasn't designed to keep you from doing stupid things because that would also keep you from doing clever things (UNIX:stupid/clever) cpy &____Until somebody debugs reality, the best I can do is a quick patch here and there (UNTI:debugs reality) att com ____Until you walk a mile in someone else's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell (UNTI:moccasins) sic ____Up shit pulsar without a gravity generator (UP-SH:shit pulsar) sfn ____Uppity Women Unite (UPPI:uppity women) bit coe ____Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read (USEN:tetris/read) cpz ____Usenet is not a right. It's a right, a left, and an uppercut to the jaw. (USEN:right/jaw) cpz &____Usenet is not a right. Usenet is a right, a left, a jab, and sharp uppercut to the jaw. The postman hits! You have new mail. (USEN:uppercut/mail) cpz ____Usenet is a way of being annoyed by people you otherwise never would have met (USEN:annoyed/otherwise) cpz *____Usenet is like a philosophical particle accelerator which creates opinions of such energy and instability that they could not exist in nature (USEN:accelerator/opinions) cpz ____Usenet: Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally (USEN:echo internationally) cpz *____Usenet: Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally (USEN:echo internationally) cpz &____User Error: Replace user and press any key to continue. (USER:replace/press) cpd ____User Hostile (USER:user hostile) cpd moo ____User Surly (USER:user surly) cpd moo ____The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output (VALU:weight/output) com cyn wor ____Vampire victim--be nice to me today [picture of smiley with teeth] (VAMP:vampire victim) zzz ____Vanilla and Proud (VANI:proud) coe ____Variables don't, constants aren't (VARI:don't/aren't) cyn ____A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite (VAX-I:vax) cpy ____VCR's exist to do our tv watching for us (VCR'S:tv watching) med !____Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothing. (VERY:beam/clothing) med ____VI VI VI The editor of the beast (VI-VI:editor/beast) cpy ____Virtue is more to be feared than vice because its excesses are not regulated by conscience (VIRT:excesses/conscience) uni ____Vegetarians eat vegetables--I am a humanitarian (VEGE:humanitarian) sic coe ____Veni, Vidi, VCR--I came, I saw, I taped (VENI:vcr) med ____Veni, Vidi, Visa (VENI:Visa) mon ____Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things ---Dan Quayle (VERB:inarticulate) pol lan ____Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951 (VETE:Bermuda Triangle) par ____The views expressed here do not necessarily represent those of the management (VIEW:management) zzz ____Vincent loves Catherine [in heart] (VINC:Vincent/Catherine) med ____VMS is a text-only adventure game--if you win, you get to use UNIX (VMS-I:game/unix) cpy ____Vuja De': the strange feeling you get that nothing has happened before (VUJA:nothing) zzz ____The vultures are circling...they have the faces of presidential candidates and carry bowling balls in their buttered claws.... (VULT:bowling/buttered) ang ____x^n + y^n = z^n has no integer solutions other than 0 for n>2 I have a wonderful proof, but it won't fit on this button (x^2:proof/button) mat ____X windows--it could be worse, but it'll take time (X-WI:worse/time) com ____Waiter--there's a feature in my soup! (WAIT:feature/soup) cpu sil ____Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser (WALK:walk softly) wea ____Wandering Punster (WAND:wandering punster) pun ____Want a jelly baby? (WANT:jelly baby) med ____War is not healthy for soldiers and other living things (WAR-I:soldiers/living) mil ____War isn't politics. It is indeed the only human activity that is rottener than politics (WAR-I:rottener) pol mil ____Warning: Game Master whimsical when bored (WAR*G:GM whimsical) fny ____Warning: grandparent with pictures (WAR*G:grandparent/pictures) bab ____Warning! I still have all my spells! (WAR*I:have spells) fny ____Warning: One human being. Contents under pressure. Use only as directed. (WAR*O:human/directed) str ____Warning: This person reads fantasy and is an avid denier of reality (WAR*T:reads fantasy) fnt boo ____Warning: Whimsical when bored (WAR*W:whimsical/bored) moo ____Warp 7--it's a law we can live with (WARP:law/live) med ____Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice (WARR:invoice) cyn ____The warranty explicitly states that under NO circumstances shall a rocket be returned to the manufacturer under its own power (WARR:rocket/returned) sil *____Wasting hundreds if not thousands of dollars every time I post (WASTI:100's/post) cpz ____Watch it--You're trying my infinite patience (WATC:infinite patience) moo ____A watched clock never boils (WATC:clock/boils) sil ____Watership Down: You've read the book. You've seen the movie. Now eat the stew. (WATE:eat/stew) sic med ____The way to a man's heart is through his back (WAY-T:heart/back) vio ____The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword (WAY-T:heart/broadsword) wea ____We aim to please, but we shoot to kill (WE-AI:aim/please) vio ____We all have faults, and mine is being wicked (WE-AL:faults/wicked) zzz ____We all live in a yellow subroutine (WE-AL:yellow subroutine) cpu sil ____We are all God's children--by a previous marriage (WE-AR:previous marriage) sil ____We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities (WE-AR:confronted) uni ang ____We are everywhere (WE-AR:everywhere) wei ____We are experiencing synaptical difficulties--please stand by (WE-AR:synaptical) zzz ____We are looking for the nuclear wessels (WE-AR:wessels) med ____We are Microsoft. OS/2 is irrelevant. UNIX is irrelevant. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated. (WE-AR:microsoft/assimilated) cpp med &____We are Pentium of Borg. You will be approximated. (WE-AR:borg/approximated) com med ____We aren't disorganized--we have an organization which is beyond comprehension (WE-AR:beyond comprehension) wor dis ____We both have the same problem--you (WE-AR:problem/you) att moo ____We came, we saw, we kicked its ass! (WE-AR:came/kicked) vio ____We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you (WE-CH:cheat/pass) mon ____We could really bust some heads--in a spiritual sense, of course (WE-CO:bust heads) med vio ____We gladly feast on those who would subdue us--not just pretty words (WE-GL:feast/subdue) med ____We hackers live for danger. It's part of the code. (WE-HA:danger/code) cpu ____We have met the enemy and they are us and you are me and we are all together --Walt Kelly, Lennon, and the Beatles (WE-HA:kelly/lennon) sil ____We have only two things to worry about--either that things will never get back to normal, or that they already have (WE-HA:never/already) cyn ____We must be devious, cunning, inventive...too bad we're us (WE-MU:cunning/us) zzz ____We tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing...and a wonderful method it is for creating the illusion of progress, while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization (WE- TE:reorganizing/illusion) wor bur ____We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients, but we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me (WE-TE:ancients/scoff) att ____We, the unwilling led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now capable of doing practically anything with virtually nothing. (WE-TH:anything/nothing) wor att ____We wouldn't get so many weird bug reports if we just stop selling software to aliens (WE-WO: bug reports/aliens) cpd sfn ____The Web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble (WEB-I:bread/trouble) cpz ____Weird enough for all practical purposes (WEIR:weird enough) wei ____Weirdness is the best defense (WEIR:best defense) wei ____Weirdness Magnet (WEIR:weirdness magnet) wei ____Welcome back to square one (WELC:square one) sic !____Welcome to hell. I'm your caseworker. (WELC:hell/caseworker) sic ____Welcome to Middle Earth (WELC:middle earth) fnt ____We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God (WE'LL:I'm God) att ____We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the root user (WE'LL:root user) cpy att ____We'll KNOW that rock is dead when you need a degree to get a job in it (WE'LL:rock/degree) uni ____WENCH Woman Entitled to Nights of Complete Happiness (WENC:woman entitled) coe ____We're all aliens, but from different planets (WE'RE:from different) wei sfn ____We're going to keep on repeating history until we get a passing grade (WE'RE:history/grade) zzz ____We're here to help you appreciate normal people (WE'RE:appreciate normal) wei ____We're so busy catching minnows, we forget we're standing on a whale (WE'RE:minnows/whale) adv ____We're sorry, the button you have reached is not in service. Please check the button and dial again, or ask the operator for assistance. (WE'RE:button/service) sil ____We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office. We want first-rate incompetents. (WE'RE:third/first) pol sil ____Were you standing at the shallow end of the gene pool? (WERE:shallow end) att ____We've got to stop hurting each other--you first (WE'VE:stop hurting) moo ____Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES! (WHAL:shave/whales) pun sil ____What a long strange trip it's been (WHAT:long strange) zzz ____What am I doing out of bed? (WHA*A:out of bed) mor ____What are you doing wrong with our bug-free product? (WHA*A:bug-free) cpd ____What color is a chameleon on a mirror? (WHA*C:color/chameleon) par ____What color is a chameleon on a mirror? The same color as the chameleon on the other side of the mirror (WHA*C:chameleon/same color) par ____What could possibly go wrong? (WHA*C:possibly wrong) ang mur ____What do macrobiotic cats eat? Brown mice (WHA*M:macrobiotic cats) pun cat ____What do the lemmings know that we don't? (WHA*D:lemmings know) cyn ____What do you get if you play New Age music backwards? New Age music (WHA*D:new age backwards) art cyn ____What do you look like when you aren't visualizing anything? (WHA*D:aren't visualizing) par ____What do you mean, "They beamed outside for some fresh air"? (WHA*D:beamed/air) med ____What do you mean, we're not getting paid? (WHA*D:not paid) wor mon ____What do you mean, YOU'RE a solipsist? (WHA*D:you're solipsist) par att ____What does a sacred chao say? MU! (WHA*D:chao/mu) dis ____What guard? (WHA*G:what guard) fny ____What if everyone's a different gender? (WHA*I:different gender) coe ____What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK? (WHA*I:warren/killed) sic sil ____What if the purpose of intelligent life is to get all that carbon back into the ecosystem? (WHA*I:carbon/ecosystem) sci ____What is the output of a vacuum pump? (WHA*I:vacuum pump) sci sil &____What is your name? Jean-Luke Picard. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is the top velocity of a Bird of Prey? Romulan or Klingon? .....AAAARRRRGGGH! (WHAT:picard/quest/prey) med ____What part of EAT SHIT AND DIE didn't you understand? (WHA*P:eat shit) att *____What part of "HUH?" didn't you understand? (WHAT:part/huh?) moo *____What part of MEOW didn't you understand? (WHAT:part of MEOW) cat ____What part of NO didn't you understand? (WHA*P:part of no) coe &____What part of "shall not be infringed" didn't you understand? (WHAT:part/infringed) pol wea ____What part of YES didn't you understand? (WHA*P:part/yes) coe ____WHAT Sixties revival? The Sixties never died! (WHA*S:60s) zzz ____Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed (WHAT:hits fan) uni mur ____Whatever you drop will hit your toes on the way to the corner (WHAT:toes/corner) mur ____Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat (WHAT:petting cat) cat ____What's seven feet tall and runs around the Himalayas with a light saber? A Yeti Knight (WHAT:yeti knight) med pun ____What's the difference between a used car salesman and someone who sells computers? A used car salesman knows he's lying--and can drive (WHAT:lying/drive) com *____What's the difference between MAGIC the Gathering (tm) and crack cocaine? You can get crack cocaine anywhere (WHAT:gathering/crack) mag ____What's the difference between New Age and Neo-Pagan? About $500 a weekend (WHAT:$500/weekend) pag cyn ____What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish? (WHAT:grown-up/childish) uni ____What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy, if you don't enrich the world with it? (WHAT:fascinatingly crazy) adv ____What's vanilla, vanilla and vanilla? Ice cream clones (WHAT:vanilla clones) pun ____What's wrong with a waiting period before you publish a newspaper while the government checks the facts? (WHAT:waiting/checks) wea pol ____When all else fails, let a = 7. If that doesn't work, read the manual. (WHE*A:a=7/manual) cpa ____When all else fails, stay in character (WHE*A:fails/character) adv fny ____When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first thing to be bought and sold are legislators (WHE*B:legislation/bought) pol ____When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect (WHE*C:Cthulhu/collect) cth *____When encryption is outlawed, 7ejblm34aq0 (WHEN:encryption/7ej) com ____When everything is outlawed, outlaws will have everything (WHE*E:outlaws/everything) ana ____When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve (WHE*E:outlaws/evolve) pol ____When guns are outlawed, only outlaws, the police, and the military will have guns (WHE*G:guns/only) wea ____When I knead my friends, they turn their backs (WHE*I:knead/turn) bac pun ____When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take drugs and go to rock concerts. (WHE*I:mtv/rock) drg &____When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue (WHEN:hair/tongue) cat sil ____When in doubt, always mount a scratch monkey (WHE*I:scratch monkey) com ____When in doubt, cook something and eat it (WHE*I:cook/eat) foo *____When in doubt, press CNTRL-ALT-DEL (WHEN:cntrl-alt-del) cpp ____When in doubt, set and turn (WHE*I:set/turn) art ____When in doubt, use more thermite (WHE*I:doubt/thermite) vio ____When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws (WHE*M:outlaws/in-laws) sil ____When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other (WHE*P:free/imitate) cyn ____When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that fire departments generally use water (WHE*T:fire departments) adv cpz ____When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the bird (WHE*T:believe/bird) adv ____When the foolkiller comes around, we'd better ALL hide in the high grass (WHE*T:foolkiller) uni ____When the game master smiles, it's already too late (WHE*T:smile/late) fny ____When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro (WHE*T:weird/pro) wei ____When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary (WHE*W:virtue/hereditary) uni ____When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish (WHE*Y:not looking/Spanish) lan ____When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly (WHE*Y:neatly) wor sch cyn ____When you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend (WHE*Y:mr. grenade) vio wea *____When your purpose in life is to entertain the gods, there's nothing to do but to put on a good show (WHE*Y:gods/show) rea ____When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to remember that the objective was to poison the grain (WHE*Y:tribbles/grain) med ____When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy (WHE*Y:secured/enemy) mil mur ____Whenever I try to get in touch with myself, I always get the answering machine (WHEN:self/machine) zzz ____Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does everyone else turn out to be playing chess? (WHEN:cards/chess) ang ____Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket? (WHER:handbasket) moo ____Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? (WHER:weak/bookstore) boo !____Where's the CNTRL-ALT-MAKE SENSE button? (WHER:make sense button) com ____Which came first, the future or the past? (WHIC:future/past) par ____While you were reading my buttons, my friend was picking your pocket (WHIL:buttons/pocket) sic ____Who died and made you Blake? (WHO-D:died/Blake) med ____Who hired all these tacky people? (WHO-H:tacky) att ____Who needs fantasy when you can have physics? (WHO-N:fantasy/physics) sci ____Who needs rational when your toes curl up? (WHO-N:rational/curl) med ____Who the hell let the morning people run things? (WHO-T:morning people/run) mor *____Who the hell let the morning people run things? (WHO-T:morning people/run) mor ____Whoever said that money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop (WHOE:didn't know/shop) mon ____Whoever wins the election will be the evil of two lessers (WHOE:two lessers) pol ____Why are Earth people so parochial? (WHY-A:earth/parochial) med att ____Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion (WHY-A:elves/chaotic) sci ____Why are the most useless computer programs the most fun to write? (WHY-A:programs/fun) cpr ____Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible? (WHY-B:be difficult) zzz ____Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else? (WHY-C:unique/original) zzz ____Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road? To make this riddle possible (WHY-D:hofstadter/riddle) par ____Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What's Latin for office automation? (WHY-D:collapse/automation) wor ____Why do people persist in walking directly into the well-marked, laser-sharpened, 80K rpm mill saw that is my ego? (WHY-D:mill saw/ego) att ____Why do people spend years writing a novel when they can buy one for a few dollars? (WHY-D:novel/dollars) wri ang ____Why do people with so few clues have so much time? (WHY-D:clues/time) str ____Why get real when artificial is so much easier to keep clean? (WHY-G:artificial/clean) pun ____Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it in when it already comes in its own container? (WHY-G:box/container) sil ____Why is Cleopatra so resistant to therapy? Because she is da Queen of da Nile (WHY-I:da nile) pun ____Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way? (WHY-I:symbol/same) ana ____Why not outlaw heterosexuality instead of abortion? Strike at the source! (WHY-N:abortion/strike) pol coe ____Why not try peace? If we find war is better, it will not be difficult to fight again (WHY-N:try peace) mil ____Why reach for the musket when the custard pie will do? (WHY-R:musket/pie) pol ____Why was I born with such contemporaries? (WHY-W:contemporaries) att ____Why work for a living when you can die for art? (WHY-W:die/art) art mon !____Will answer stupid user questions for food (WILL:user questions/food) cpj ____Will build secret weapon for food (WILL:weapon/food) wea mon ____Will of iron, whim of steel (WILL:iron/steel) moo *____Will read news for food (WILL:news for food) cpz ____Will the deity who nailed the KOSMIC KARMIC KICKME sign to my back kindly remove it? (WILL:kosmic karmic) str ____The will to be stupid is a very powerful force (WILL:stupid/powerful) uni cyn ____Will you dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight? (WILL:dance/devil) med ____Willing to be backrub victim (WILL:backrub victim) bac ____The windmills are winning (WIND:windmills/winning) ang ____Windows & Icons & Mice OH MY! (WIND:windows/icons) cpp ____Windows NT--nice try, next time (WIND:try/time) cpp ____Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum (WITC:brooms/vacuum) pag pun ____With friends like these, who needs hallucinations? (WITH:friends/hallucinations) wei ____Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy (WITH:disgust/apathy) pol moo ____Without gratuitous sex, we would be no better than animals (WITH:gratuitous/animals) coe ____Without the last minute, how much would ever get done? (WITH:minute/done) lat ____Woman has certain inalienable rights, and first and foremost among them is the right to occupy as much room as nature intended No more diets! (WOMA:room/nature) zzz ____Women, children, Red Indians, spacemen, and a sort of idealized version of Complete Renaissance Men first! (WOME:renaissance/first) sil ____The work most executives do isn't very different from the work most secretaries do, except that executives rarely have demonstrable skills like typing ninety words a minute (WORK:executives/secretaries) wor cyn ____Work your fingers to the bone, and what do you get? Bony fingers! (WORK:bony fingers) wor cyn ____The world is a video game where you don't have another quarter (WORL:video/quarter) ang ____The world is cracked; this is all a bad yolk (WORL:world/yolk) pun ____Worldcon bid committees have all of the disadvantages and none of the advantages of a group marriage (WORL:disadvantages/group) coe ____The worst book in a trilogy is the fourth (WORS:trilogy/fourth) boo fan ____The worst thing about censorship is (WORS:worst/censorship) pol ____The worst thing about censorship is that it desensitizes people to violence--censorship IS violence (WORS:censorship/violence) pol ____Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe (WORS:worst-dressed) med moo ____Would all punsters please keep their gags in their mouths? (WOUL:punsters/gags) pun ____Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now? (WOUL:went mad) med str *____Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full Write failed on /dev/brain0:filesystem full (WRIT:/dev/brain0) com moo ____Writing about music is like dancing about architecture (WRIT:dancing/architecture) wri art ____Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead (WRIT:writing/easy) wri ____Writing is like prostitution--first you do it for love, then for a few friends, and finally for money (WRIT:writing/prostitution) wri !____X-Phile (X-PHI:phile) med ____x^n + y^n = z^n has no integer solutions other than 0 for n>2 I have a wonderful proof, but it won't fit on a button (X^2+Y^2:proof/button) mat ____X windows--it could be worse, but it'll take time (X-WI:worse/time) cpp ____Yellow journalism is media ochre (YELL:media ochre) pun ____Yes, but what if this weren't a rhetorical question? (YES-B:rhetorical) par ____Yes, I know it's bad for me, but nagging me about it might be bad for you (YES-I:nagging/you) moo ____Yes, sir, we've graphed the data. It's a smiley face, sir. (YES-S:data/smiley) sil ____Yield to temptation--I may not make the pass again (YIEL:yield/pass) coe ____Yield to temptation--it may not pass your way again (YIEL:yield/temptation) adv ____You always find things in the first place you look, but not the first time you look there (YOU-A:find/look) mur ____You are here and this is the highlight of your day (YOU-A:here/highlight) ang *____You are in a maze of twisty little menus, all different (YOU:twisty menus) com ____You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions, all different (YOU-A:maze/unix) cpy ang ____You are in a twisty little passage of standards, all conflicting (YOU-A:twisty/conflicting) cpa ____You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much of your time reading buttons (YOU-A:wise/buttons) zzz ____You are only as strong as your weakest delusion (YOU-A:weakest delusion) uni ____You bash the Balrog, I'll climb a tree (YOU-B:balrog/tree) fny ____You can do anything thou wilt in Aleister's restaurant (YOU-C:aleister's restaurant) sil ____You can fly, but that cocoon has to go (YOU-C:fly/cocoon) adv ____You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time--that should be enough for most purposes (YOU-C:fool/purposes) cyn ____YOU can help wipe out COBOL in our lifetime (YOU-C:cobol/lifetime) cpx ____You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his back, you've got something (YOU-C:horse/back) sil ____You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof (YOU-C:damnfoolproof) uni ____You can name your own salary here--I call mine Fred (YOU-C:salary/fred) wor mon ____You can stop being useless now--the crisis has passed (YOU-C:useless/crisis) wor &____You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard dents in their forehead (YOU-C:keyboard dents) cpr cpa ____You can try to leave a message, but my spirit screens its calls (YOU-C:spirit screens) att ____You can't achieve the impossible unless you attempt the absurd (YOU-C:impossible/absurd) adv ____You can't be a figment of my imagination--I'd have done a better job (YOU-C:figment/job) att ____You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus (YOU-C:eyes/imagination) uni ____You can't go on forever living in the shadow of world destruction--people get bored. (YOU-C:shadow/bored) cyn ____You can't have too many buttons--only too little surface area (YOU-C:buttons/area) sil ____You can't judge a book by its movie (YOU-C:book/movie) boo med ____You can't teach people to be lazy. Either they have it or they don't. (YOU-C:teach/lazy) sil ____You can't tell beforehand which side of the bread you should butter (YOU-C:tell/butter) mur ____You can't win. You can't break even. You can't get out of the game. Can I abdicate? (YOU-C:can't/abdicate) ang ____You could be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys (YOU-C:replaced/monkeys) sil !____You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you. (YOU-D:crazy/train) wor str ____You don't need to bring your adversaries to their knees, just to their senses (YOU-D:adversaries/knees) adv *____You guys start writing code and I'll go find out what they want (YOU-G:code/find out) cpj wor ____You knew the job was dangerous when you took it (YOU-K:job/dangerous) med wor ____You know better than to trust a strange computer (YOU-K:strange computer) cpa ____You know, just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets! (YOU-K:menace/bullets) med wea ____You know, you have to be careful not to get yourself locked into this open systems stuff. ---IBM executive (YOU-K:locked/open) cpy ____You know you've been hacking too long when you wake up at 11 AM and can't get back to sleep because you can't find the go_back_to_sleep command (YOU-K:back_to_sleep) com ____You say nah-celle, I say nay-celle--let's call the holothing off (YOU-S:nah-celle) med pun ____You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd (YOU-S:truth/odd) wei ____You should learn to be assertive, but not with me (YOU-S:assertive/me) att ____You should see the ones we don't let out in public (YOU-S:see/public) coe wei ____You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light--it's too hard on the tires (YOU-S:light/tires) sci sil ____You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight (YOU-W:after midnight) med ____You'll find I'm full of surprises (YOU'L:full of surprises) med ____You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh (YOU'L:heck/gosh) sil rel ____You'll have to be nice to me--I throw up easily (YOU'L:nice/easily) moo ____Your eyes are weary from reading buttons. You are sleepy. You agree with all my ideas. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. (YOUR:weary/agree) zzz ____Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency (YOUR:planning/emergency) wor lat ____Your reality is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say I have no grasp of it whatsoever (YOUR:balderdash) rea med ____Your silliness has been noted (YOUR:silliness/noted) wei med ____Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons (YOUR:intellect/weapons) med ____You're a much nicer person than I am, so I'm sure you'll forgive the vicious things I've been saying about you (YOU*A:much nicer) sic ____You're awfully picky for someone from the twilight zone (YOU*A:picky/zone) att ____You're not as real as you think (YOU*N:real/think) rea ____You're not right. You just SOUND right. (YOU*N:sound right) zzz ____You're not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing (YOU*N:know/doing) zzz ____You're only young once--after that you need another excuse (YOU*O:young/once) adv ____You're sick for the first five months of pregnancy and uncomfortable for the last five months, but the month in between is alright (YOU*S:first five) bab ____You're so cute when you're cynical (YOU*S:cute/cynical) cyn ____You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. (YOU'V:furniture) sil ____You've got to know the rules before you break them--otherwise it's no fun (YOU'V:rules) fny dis ____You've got to know when to code'em, know when to modem, know when to load'em up, know when to run. Don't count your money when you're sitting at the keyboard--there'll be time enough for counting when the program's done (YOU'V:code'em/modem) cpr ____YUMMIE--Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant (YUMM:mobile mutant) wei ____Zero tolerance/infinite hypocrisy (ZERO:hypocrisy) drg ____[Double interlaced pentacle] (PICT:double pentacle) pag ____[Eye of Horus] (PICT:eye) pag ____[Interlaced pentacle] (PICT:double pentacle) pag ____[Prisoner bicycle with a 6] (PICT:prisoner/6) med ____[Prisoner bicycle with a 2] (PICT:prisoner/2) med ____[Prisoner bicycle with a your choice of number] (PICT:prisoner/#) med ____[Sacred Chao] (PICT:chao) ____[Yin/Yang] (PICT:y-y) rel ____:-) (PICT::-)) cpz CATEGORIES adv ADVICE ana ANARCHY ang ANGST art THE ARTS att ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING bab BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES bac BACKRUBS AND HUGS bit BITCHINESS AND PMS boo BOOKS bur BUREAUCRACY cat CATS coe COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER com COMPUTERS: General cpa Angst cpb Bugs cpd Dealing with Users cpj Jobs cpp Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.) cpr Programming cpu Puns cpx Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS) cpy Unix and Related OS's cpz Usenet, Other Networks, Email, Bulletin Boards cth CTHULHU cyn CYNICISM dis DISCORDIANISM drg DRINKING AND DRUGS fan FANDOM fnt FANTASY fny FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING foo FOOD ins INSANITY lan LANGUAGE lat LATENESS lef LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA mag MAGIC: THE GATHERING mat MATHEMATICS med MEDIA mev MEDIEVALISM mil MILITARY AND WAR mon MONEY moo MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT mor MORNINGS, COFFEE, SLEEP DEPRIVATION mur MURPHY'S LAWS pag PAGANISM par PARADOXES AND LOGIC pol POLITICS pun PUNS rea REALITY rel RELIGION sch SCHOOL sci SCIENCE sfn SCIENCE FICTION sic SICK HUMOR sil SILLINESS smo SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING spc SPACE str STRESS uni UNIVERSAL TRUTHS vio VIOLENCE wea WEAPONS wei WEIRDNESS wor WORK wri WRITING zzz MISCELLANEOUS Nancy Lebovitz Nancy Lebovitz 400 Wollaston Ave. #C6 or PO Box 1098 Newark, DE 19711 Newark, DE 19715-1098 nancyL@universe.digex.net (302)-368-8398 NEW INFORMATION ********************************************************* ***************** As of July 1, my address will be Nancy Lebovitz 1014 Mountain St. Philadelphia, PA 19148-1120 ********************************************************* **************** # Color printing is available for quantity custom buttons for an extra 15 cents/button. This catalogue is available by e-mail--if you're interested in getting catalogues that way, send me your address. If you share the catalogue with other people, please include my address and that it's a catalogue. $1.75 each Postage is $2 for 10 or fewer buttons, $3.25 4-9 $1.50 each for 11-30, $4 for 26-100 and $1 for 10-24 $1.20 each each additional hundred. Please let me know 25-99 $1.00 each if you'd prefer your buttons sent by UPS or 100-299 $ .85 each the Post Office. There's a $4 minimum for 300-499 $ .70 each UPS postage. Ask me about postage to 500-1000 $ .62 each countries other than the US and Canada. The quantity prices apply to orders of assorted buttons as well as to orders of the same button. Buttons from the catalogue are printed in advance, so I don't offer a choice of paper color, etc. on them, but if there are colors that you particularly do or don't want, let me know, and I'll try to accomodate you. The paper catalogue is available in two versions at two prices--the current edition is $1, and the unpruned version is 2$. Warning: the unpruned version is in very small (but clear) type. I also do calligraphy in general--if you're interested in getting poems, quotes, invitations, or letterheads, please get in touch. Buttons are 2 3/8" across. If you send artwork or photographs to be made into buttons, the price is the same as the catalogue button price. The visible part of the button is a 2 3/8" circle, and the whole thing should be on a 2 3/4" circle to allow some margin for folding under the edge. While you might not have an urgent need for a hundred or so buttons for yourself (though then again you might), you may be able to put together a bulk order with some friends. If you'd like to have the buttons for a group order pre- sorted, please put each person's order on a separate list with that person's name. GUARANTEE These buttons are guaranteed against manufacturing defects--any defective buttons will be replaced or repaired for free. QUANTITY CUSTOM BUTTONS If you want at least 30 of a button that isn't listed in the catalogue, they cost the same price as the catalogue buttons. To get that price rather than the custom price, either the background or the lettering must be black, red, or blue, and the other color must be white, yellow, green, blue, red, lavender, parchment, pink, or goldenrod. The second color may be assorted, but the first color must be the same for the whole batch. CUSTOM BUTTONS If you'd like buttons with slogans that aren't in the catalogue, I do buttons with any slogan you want (within wide limits of length and taste). They cost $3 each, plus 25 cents extra for ink other than black, each 5 words after the first 10, or circular layout. If you want three or more of the same custom button (paper color may vary, but not the other features), then subtract 50 cents from the cost of each button. Custom buttons may be ordered in your choice of paper color, ink color, and lettering style. If you want to leave any of the features up to me, just say so. I'll choose for legibility and appropriate style. INK COLORS: black, white, red, blue, yellow, green, and brown. Metallic inks: gold, silver, copper, red, blue, yellow-green, blue- green, pink, and lavender. Dayglo inks: red-orange, orange, yellow, blue, green, and pink. PAPER COLORS (arranged from light to dark in each hue--black ink is hard to read on the darker colors): wheat, tan, and brown; light pink, pink, red, and blood red; goldenrod, orange, and red-orange; pale yellow and yellow; pale green, grass green, forest green, and dark velvet green; powder blue, sky blue, ocean blue, wedgewood, royal blue, dark warm blue, and navy; pale lavender, violet, fuschia, red purple, and blue purple; white, light gray, medium gray, dark gray, and black. Foils: gold, silver, red, copper, green, pale blue, royal blue, and purple. Parchments: antique gold, white, gray, pale brown, pink, turquoise, blue and lavender. Dayglo papers: red-orange, orange, yellow, pink, and green. Novelty papers: sky blue with clouds, grey imitation rice paper, lavender with lightning bolts, mottled beige, and rainbow LETTERING STYLES: If you'd like to see what the lettering styles look like, drop me a note and I'll mail you some samples. FOUNDATIONAL--the style most similar to type, and the easiest to read ITALIC--somewhat narrow and slanted VERTICAL ITALIC--narrow but not slanted GOTHIC--also called Old English or blackletter. It's narrow and spikey and not quite as legible as the first styles I've mentioned, but it's nice for archaic, religious or evil sentiments RUNIC--a style composed completely of vertical and diagonal lines. It was invented by Vikings to carve on wood without having to carve across the grain. It's fairly legible. HALF UNCIAL--an archaic style with very thin horizontals based on seventh century Irish calligraphy. It's the least legible style I offer, but it's pretty. FULL UNCIAL--this one's hard to describe--it's archaic, but easy to read. The letters are round, the horizontals are about as thick as the verticals, and some of the small letters are non-standard but comprehensible. LEGEND STYLE--based loosely on Arabic writing. The ascenders (the long strokes on such letters as b and l) are very long, and the capitals are freely written and a little flashy. RUSTIC--narrow capitals with thin verticals and heavy horizontals ORIENTAL--loosely based on oriental brush-writing ROTUNDA--the Gothic of southern Europe. The letters are pointed but not narrow. Reasonably easy to read. ROMAN CAPITALS--pretty much like standard type face capitals TYPEWRITER--the strokes are of equal thickness and the serifs (the little additions to the ends of the main strokes of a letter) are straight. BLOCK LETTERS--very plain letters without serifs NEULAND--rather solid letters. The horizontals and verticals are thick and their ends are squared off. This is a good style for buttons with attitude.